The Setliffe Family

2008-02-21T11:37:00.001-08:00

I've Moved!!

Check out my new blog at: www.lifeunabridged.wordpress.com I will no longer be posting on this site, so check out my new one!! Also, make sure you change this in your bloglines or RSS feeds and any links you have on your blogs!! Thanks friends....hope to see you in my new cyber casa :)

2008-02-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

I'm Still Here.

Hey everyone. If you're reading this I guess it means that you haven't given up on me and this silly little blog yet. I have so much to say, but I just haven't been in the mood to blog lately. I'm hoping to get back into it this week, though, so here are some previews for coming posts soon. Just wanted to let you know that I'll be back soon and keep myself accountable to write this week. Here's what's coming to a blogspot near you:

1. our big move to FL
2. major huge adoption news. still sorting through lots of things. this has been the main reason for my hiatus. we have so much to pray through think through & it is just overwhelming me. stay tuned...
3.ava singing her abc's
4. birthday extravaganza
5. gilmore girls
6. i need help potty training the kid. be prepared for questions & advice
7. i heart the office
8. cute ava (she's obsessed with kissing me on the lips right now. and i have to tell you I LOVE IT!!!)
9. laziness
10. juno

that's enough for now. so please don't abandon me. i know i've become bad blogger girl. i'll try to make up for my downfall. good night.

2008-01-25T21:17:00.000-08:00

One Year

Today is our 1 year adoption anniversary! One year ago today we got word from our agency that we had been approved for the El Salvador program. It was only 3 days after my Mom's first surgery--what a year this has been! It took us close to forever to complete our dossier, but it's in and we're a whole year closer to Bella. Let's just pray that she's home by next Jan 25th!! I love you my sweet Bella--happy "we're you're forever family" anniversary!!

2008-01-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

I Should Not Be Writing This Post

Instead I should be packing up my house, but I am procrastinating in the worst possible way. I have so many random things spinning in my head right now and I want to get them out of there so that I can move on & get some work done. In a way this is my "baby book" for Ava, so I have to record a couple of things. And so without further ado...is that how you spell ado?? What a strange word. Anyways, because you love it oh so much, the bullet points:

I got back from FL today after being there for 2 1/2 weeks. It is eerily quiet in my house with no Matt & no cat. Wow. That rhymes....I should write a book about the Matt and the Cat...Get it....the cat and the hat??? Oh my goodness I crack myself up. WOW.
Matt has been out of the country for 2 weeks now & I'm missing him so badly. He went to Ethiopia for about 8 days and now he is in Israel. One side of me is so thrilled that he is getting to experience all of these things. His stories have been just amazing. God check out his blog here. On the other hand I am crazy jealous of him & wish that I could do the things he is getting to do. I know my time will come & this is just a season for me (having young kids) but a part of me just longs to go on a mission trip for a month or something. He gets back late Thursday night. Then he has a speaking engagement this weekend. And then a big open house for work. So basically I don't get him until Monday. And then we have 3 days until we move. How on earth will I get everything done without him?
I am thankful for international & satellite phones.
My parents have a dog named Lexi. Ava loves her very much & fondly calls her Sexy. We giggle every time we hear it.
I swear Ava grew 3 inches over the last 2 weeks. Her pants are turning into high waters. Slow down kid--don't you know your parents are on a tight budget?
I went to Steve & Barry's and finally got to see Sarah Jessica Parker's new line of clothes, Bitten. Everything is so cute & EVERYTHING in the entire store was $7.98. I got a pair of amazing jeans for $7.98. Don't you just love those little shopping blessings?
I had the fun task of picking out a place for my family to live without my husband ever seeing it. It stressed me out more than it should have. I am so happy with what we found though. We're going to rent the cutest little 2 bedroom villa for a year. It is in a great part of town & I really think we will be cozy & happy there. Hopefully Matt will like it.
My most BELOVED curtains were sacrificed to the sale of my home. I can't even put into words how much I love those curtains. They were the sweetest little blessing from God. One of those silly little minor things that God takes care of and reminds you that He cares about those silly little minor things. And now they're gone. I cried over them first & then I got extremely mad at my realtor for giving them away w/o asking me first after I SPECIFICALLY asked her to save my curtains. And then I had this flesh vs. Spirit war with God. He won. He reminded me that they are just pieces of fabric that hang over windows. They are "stuff". When I die they won't come with me to heaven (although they are heavenly!!). They will never draw someone to Jesus. They will not feed hungry people. So now I'm over it. Or at least I'm close. I was over it until I walked back in my house today & saw them in all their glory. Ok enough......I'm done.
My sister Emmy is coming to help me pack this weekend. She is such a blessing to me.
My Mom is doing just amazing. She is still struggling with her nerve damage, but she is seriously a new person. Her hair is growing back & it looks so cute. And she was dancing & playing with Ava. It made me so joyful.
My Dad is the wisest person I know. And the most giving. And he blessed me in both of those ways this week.
I have several friends right now who are full of sorrow, sick and struggling. I am asking God to keep them on my heart constantly.
I am moving to FL in 9 days.
Why is moving the most miserable experience on earth?
Where did all the anvils go? That one is for you Emmy :)
My sister and I watched every episode of The Office over the past 2 weeks. I love that show. I can't believe I'm just now realizing how amazing it is. I love Jim & Pam. And Dwight. And Michael. And Kevin. Oh my goodness, Kevin. He makes me laugh so hard.
When will my life slow down a little?
When will I finish Harry Potter number 5?
What is the name of Harry Potter number 5?
Why have I eaten pizza 4 times in the past week?
Why do I have a bad back?
I will miss the sound of the train that's close to here.
I will not miss Houston traffic.
I want Ava to love God.
Do I really love God? With more than just words?
Am I disciplining Ava correctly? Why is it the hardest thing I've ever had to do?
When did I start loving Coke Zero more than Diet Dr. Pepper? Am I a traitor?
Lost. 9 days.
I hate American Idol
I want to be an artist.
Ava tries to sing the ABC's song and it is about the cutest thing I've ever heard. She makes up her own letters, but she sings the tune pretty much on key. And that LMNOP part...she does that....all fast & together & everything. Ok, I'm gushing, but it's just so darn cute.
Ok, one more cute Ava thing. She LOVES it when people sneeze. It makes her belly laugh. And then she yells out "bless you". So cute. Really people. So cute.
My brain is tired. Good. Mission accomplished. Good bye.

2008-01-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

Sold!
We got word yesterday that our counter-offer was accepted, so we have sold our house! I am feeling completely overwhelmed & a little shell shocked, but we are really happy about this. It was only on the market for a week--can you believe that? We showed it 9 times in 6 days. We have really been praying for it to sell this month & God has been so sweetly faithful to us. We need some serious prayer right now though. I'm in Florida for the next several weeks while Matt heads to Ethiopia & Israel. I was supposed to head back to TX on the 28th, but now we have to be out by the 31st (probably, maybe the 1st or 2nd though). So now I will be changing my flight & pretty much handling this move by myself. Matt returns on the 24th, but then has a speaking engagement at a church here in town the 24-26. I can feel the stress levels rising, so please just pray for a clear mind & lots of wisdom in the coming weeks. It's pretty much up to me to find somewhere for us to live & we are still seriously debating back & forth about renting temporarily vs. buying. I'm going house hunting today, so pray for discernment!! I will probably not be blogging much over the next few weeks, but I'll update if anything big happens :) Love to you all!

2008-01-08T19:44:00.000-08:00

Oh.My.Goodness!!
We have 3 contracts coming to the table on our house tonight!! I am just shocked about this. I'll update more tomorrow. We are praying for a miracle in the sale of this house, so if you get this--please just pray that we get the money we need to break even. Thanks!!

2008-01-02T20:33:00.000-08:00

My Ava
My friends Aaron & Bush have taken some of the most amazing pictures of Ava in the last few weeks & I've just been dying to show them to you. These pictures are such a gift to me & I will cherish them forever. Thanks guys! The first 4 were by Aaron & the last one is one of many more to come that Bush took in our family picture session the other day. So here she is.....

Lola--the 4th member of our family

2007-12-19T13:31:00.001-08:00

WE'RE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I only have like 3.8 seconds to write this post, but I just had to document this historic day (at least for our family!!) I just got back from overnighting our adoption paperwork to our Adoption Agency. I can't tell you how relieved, excited, and anxious (for it to make it to them!) I am. What a huge milestone for us! As the ticker on my website lets me know, we've been working on this paperwork now for 10 months, 3 weeks and 3 days. Praise the Lord we're finally finished. Now it will be translated, sent to the OPA (Officina para adopciones) in El Salvador. Next we will wait on approval from them. This is taking about 8 months on average. At that point we will wait for our referral (our chosen daughter--her picture, medical background, etc) and then we'll travel to El Salvador to pick her up. From today we're looking at a 12-18 month wait. Please pray, pray, pray that that package makes it up to Virginia by tomorrow morning. Here are some pictures of my excitement. At the beginning of this journey I had this grand vision of finishing our paperwork (in more like 4-5 months, but whatever :) and then going as a family to fedex. We would have the postal worker take our picture with the package & then go get ice cream or something to celebrate. Here's how it really went down. Matt & I tried to work out our schedules for 3 days to be able to go at the same time & realized it just wasn't going to happen. So then I was going to take our picture together as a family before leaving this morning. But then Matt got sick. Super sick. Like--you better get that camera out of my face right now sick. So then I tried to get a picture with Ava & I smiling & holding our dossier. Well, my camera battery was dead. So then it's off to the camera phone. I put Ava on my lap & she throws a complete tantrum. So in the end.....it's just me & my MOUND of paperwork. But I'm smiling & oh so happy anyways b/c it's done & we're finally moving closer to Bella! Love you all :)

2007-12-14T19:19:00.000-08:00

In Case You Haven't Heard.....
I figure that it's about time to tell all of you what's been going on with our family. There is some major change in the air!! This past summer we began feeling like God was preparing us for a change--a shift in what we are doing. We had no idea what that meant or what it looked like, but we began praying that God would reveal His plans to us. As most of you know, in July, Matt took a group of students to China with a ministry called Innovative Mission Opportunities that is based here in Houston. Matt had such a wonderful time & came back saying that this was how he wanted to spend his life--doing missions with students. Well, I've always felt that way, so I was super excited that God has been shifting Matt's passion towards missions. Over the course of the trip & since being home, Matt has developed a great friendship with Jerry (the guy who started the ministry--he's about 65 years old). Anyways, Jerry offered Matt a job with Innovative back in early September. Jerry was so impressed with the way that Matt led & executed the trip to China & wants Matt to develop a student "arm" of the ministry. In the past, they have only worked with adults, but they're really wanting to broaden things. What Innovative does is send small groups of people into the 10-40 window (northern africa, middle east, asia) to work with local believers. They go in as "humanitarians" to meet the physical needs of the people--water, food, building homes, etc--and in the process share the gospel with them. So Matt would be in charge of developing a student side of things. His main focus would be Northern Africa (mainly Ethiopia), Israel and China. He will be working with student & college ministries here in the states, to find students to go on trips. He will be taking about 6-8, 2 week trips a year into those countries. When he's not overseas, he will take back up his traveling speaking ministry that he had prior to joining with Sagemont in order to use his gift as a teacher & to network with college/student ministries. We have been praying about this for several months now & feel so strongly that this is what we're supposed to do. Innovative is wanting to branch out their ministry, so we will be moving to Tampa (to live near my family) after the first of 2008. When we began praying through this, our original plan was to stay here in Houston, b/c Innovative is based here. But as we began to realize Matt's traveling schedule was going to be so busy, I told Matt that if we're going to do this, I really want to be close to my family. That way I will have lots of support while he is away & I will be able to travel some with Matt while Ava stays with family. I have prayed for 10 years that God would allow us to move back to Florida but I just really never thought it was going to happen for us. Moving to FL is like the icing on the cake for me. We are so excited about this new opportunity & feel such a complete peace about everything. We really need your prayer in the next several months. Here are some things for you to pray about:

1. Our transition out of Sagemont--pray that people are excited & supportive about our decision. Pray for the students as we leave them behind. We announced our plans to the students last Sunday. It was a very difficult & emotional day, but overall, everyone is really excited for us.

2. Pray for our finances. Part of Innovative is that all staff members are 100% support based (like missionaries) so that they can send as much money as possible to the people living in extreme poverty in the 10-40 window. We are kind of freaking out about this, but at the same time have such a peace. Innovative will help us financially for the first year so that we're not just cut off cold upon leaving Sagemont. Still, we have a lot of expenses with moving, finding a new house, selling our home here, etc. Just pray for God's mighty provision for our family during the coming months.

3. Pray for house stuff in general. We were going to put our house on the market yesterday & our realtor told us that she knows a family that is desperately trying to buy a house. They can't get a loan yet (they need to raise their credit by a couple of points & are estimating that to happen in the next 3-6 months). We are talking to them about renting & then buying the house sometime between April & June. We have so many details to work out with this. On our initial figures with our house we were slated to lose $11,000, which as you can probably guess we most definitely don't have. So we were freaking out. This way our mortgage will be covered & we will only (only....what am I saying??) be losing about $5,500. We're definitely going to take a hit b/c we haven't lived her long enough to recoop our costs, so we are trying to figure out how to lose the least amount possible. We met the family last night & really liked them. They come VERY highly recommended & they LOVED our house & want to buy it so badly. SO...pray that all of this works out. Did I mention they need to move in by Jan 7???? That means that we need to be packed up & ready to move by the 5th or 6th & have somewhere to move to. So, we talked to our realtor in FL tonight & I think we're going to rent a cute little townhouse in a great neighborhood (Fishhawk to you Tampa people)for 6 months to a year so we can get our finances in order. Ok--this has all happened in the last 2 days & we have SO MUCH to do/think about/finalize/take care of. Please just pray for all these things!!

I'm sure there's more, but for now--I think that's good. Thanks for praying--I can't wait to tell you more in the days & months to come! We've had to keep this quiet, b/c there are a lot of people involved at Sagemont & it's been killing me not to tell you guys this HUGE thing that GOd is doing in our lives. You can check out Innovative's website at www.imoi.org. So now the cat's out of the bag & we can move on. You will be hearing much more in coming days :) Love you all!!

2007-12-04T12:31:00.000-08:00

The Most Exciting Post EVER!
Are you ready for some exciting reading? Prepare to be amazed.

I fed my child taco bell today. And I don't even feel guilty.
I just chopped off my arm at fedex to send 3 documents for state certification for our adoption. I am now bleeding profusely all over the place. Ok, so not really, but it felt that painful to pay that much money. My visa looks very tired now.
We have 5 Christmas parties this week. That means we are extra poor from all the $10 gift exchange gifts we have to buy.
My sister is coming to see me tomorrow!!!!! She has never been to see my house & I am super excited to have her here! My Dad surpised us with a ticket for her. Yeah Hooray! (That's what Ava & I say when we're super excited!)
I redid my banner on my blog. If you are reading this on bloglines---go to my blog to check it out. I learned how to make this from my friend Virginia. You can learn how to also at Snapfish.com
My Mom is having a lot of complications from all the medicine she's taking. Please pray for her. She's develeped neurapothy (sp??) in her hands & feet. She is in a lot of pain & is extremely frustrated from not being able to do much right now. Please just pray, pray, pray that the doctors can figure out what is wrong & how to fix it. Thanks for praying.
I painted Ava's bathroom yesterday and can't for the life of me get the paint off of me.
I think about Bella all the time.
Ava is learning to say "I love you" and it is about the sweetest thing of all time. I'm really not kidding. I melt into a mushy little puddle of love every time I hear it.
Matt is super busy & I miss him. But next week is much slower & we can't wait to hang out! We're hoping to go see the movie Bella in the theater if it's still there.
We have wonderful friends.
Thanks for reading this. You are super cool. I'm addicted to the word super today. Have a super day you super cool friend :)

2007-11-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Bella,
I just wanted to let you know that I think about you all the time. I love you more every day with this love that is just unexplainable, except to say that it comes straight from God. You are mine in every way already. You have occupied our hearts. You have occupied our home with all the little reminders we have out about you. You are in our dialogues. You are in my dreams. That's where I see you the most. You are still faceless, but I know that it's you because when I see you my heart does flips! Sometimes I lay awake thinking about you and I almost feel like you're haunting me. I know that's not the right word, but I can't think of a better way to put it. I wonder if you're born yet. I wonder if you're still in your birthmommy's tummy. Is she a teenage girl? I read yesterday that almost 30% of pregnancies in El Salvador are with girls under 19. I wish I could just hug your birthmom & tell her that everything is going to be ok. I wonder if you have not even been conceived yet. If you've entered our world, where are you living? Are you lonely? Are you cold? Hungry? Does anyone kiss you goodnight? I wish that I could meet all of your needs. It kills me to not be with you right now. Every night, Daddy and I pray for you with Ava. We pray that God puts 10,000 angels around you. We pray that God holds you so close in the palm of His hand. We pray that He sings over you, wherever you are, as you sleep. We pray that He is building HOPE into your tiny little heart. Hope for a Savior who will love you above all else. Hope for a family that you can call your own. Hope for a future. You grow more in my heart every day--just like a baby would grow in my belly. I am so proud to be your Mom! Ava is learning to say your name, although it usually comes out more like "Bubba". But that's ok--we know what she means. Everytime she sees a heart she says "Bubba" because we're teaching her that that's where you are--in our hearts. She has a shirt with hearts all over it & she always wears it so proudly--it's like she knows it's Bella's shirt. We're on our way, baby girl, so hold on, ok? We will be done with our paperwork tomorrow. What joy I have in my heart as I write those words. It's taken us so much longer than we had hoped, but tomorrow, we will be done. We're driving to Austin to get our final document and to begin our apostilling process. In the next 2 weeks we will hopefully be submitting our dossier. And then we will just have to wait, to hope, to work and prepare for your homecoming. And as soon as God sees fit--when you're ready, and we're ready--we'll be coming for you. So don't lose hope. We're on our way as fast as we can! But for now, just know that we love you completely. You are ours. You belong, my dear, sweet, Bella!

2007-11-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving (to those of you who are still awake!!)

I was hoping to write this post much sooner today, but things got busy with family & here it is almost 11:00 & I'm about to drop from my turkey comma. I just wanted to share some things that make my heart overflow with thankfulness today:

1. My growing relationship with Jesus. I've had a very stagnant couple of years (my fault of course) and I feel like this year, in the midst of so much pain, God is quietly & slowly drawing me back to His heart. I am excited about His Word again. I am excited that He is teaching me how to really, actually walk in the Spirit every day. I'm thankful for His compassions that never fail & are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!

2. I'm thankful for my Matt. We just fit each other so perfectly. I'm realizing that even on the very worst & most difficult days, he is God's sweetest gift to me. I love him so much.

3. I'm thankful for my Ava. I just can't even explain what it's like to look into the eyes of your daughter. It is beautiful and scary & breathtaking all at the same time. She is the joy of my days & I absolutely love her more every day.

4. I'm thankful for a God who heals. I can't even tell you the change in my Mom since my last visit. She's definitely not back to normal & she is still dealing with major problems in her hands & feet, but WOW! She is a different person. Her joy, energy & spirit have been changed 180 degrees. I'm thankful that we got to get pedicures & eat lunch out at a restaurant the other day. I will NEVER forget that day!

5. I'm thankful for my family. They love, support, help & encourage me so much. I have parents who love each other & a sister who is my best friend. I know how rare this is & I don't take it for granted.

6. I'm thankful that God has opened my heart & poured love into it for a little orphan girl named Bella. My love for her grows more every day. I am consumed with her & with getting her home. I'm thankful for her birth family & the amazing sacrifice they are making out of love for their daughter. I'm thankful that God has provided $12,000 in adoption money in the last 11 months. Can you even believe that??? $12,000!! He is the God who provides! Only $4,000 more to go! I'm thankful for my sister who has sacrificed so much time, money and skin on her fingers to make us blankets for Bella. Because of her, we have made almost $2600 for Bella. Thank you Emily! (ps...they make great Christmas gifts :) Go check them out at HERE.

7. I'm thankful that God is awakening in me such a heart for the nations. He has widened my view of the world & I cannot wait to see where that takes us!

8. I'm thankful for the chiropractor who has been treating me for free for almost 3 months now. I am a new person & my health has improved dramatically. I will never be able to thank or repay him, so I'm praying that God pours out abundant blessings on him & his family.

9. I'm thankful that God is changing our view of money. He is calling us to live debt free. This is not easy, but I'm so grateful that He is convicting us about our stewardship of the finances He has entrusted to us.

10. I'm thankful for how hard Matt works so that I can stay home with Ava. I know that sometimes it doesn't seem that I am grateful, but I know that this is the greatest gift & his way of showing me love. Thanks for working so hard for our family, Matt!

11. And last, but most definitely not least, I am so thankful for my friends. God has placed the most beautiful, unique and godly women in my life. They challenge me, pray for me, let me be me and love me. I could not have made it through this last year if they had not been walking in my life. So to those friends--I love you!

I hope that your Thanksgiving has been sweet! I send my love!

2007-11-19T19:26:00.000-08:00

My Happy Place

I'm in Florida!! Yeah!! More to come :)

2007-11-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

Bedhead
I have so much to say, and not much time to say it right now, so stay tuned next week for a good long post. We're headed to FL on Monday to spend Thanksgiving with my family. For now, here are some pictures of Ava's crazy bedhead after her nap the other day. She usually wakes up so happy & cheerful--I have no idea where she got that! Just ignore the mismatched clothes :) I have a super cute video of this that I've been trying to post all day & can't seem to get it to work. Anyways, here are the pictures for now....stay tuned for more!

2007-11-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2007

I know I'm a little late on this one, but better late than never I suppose! There are a ton of pictures, so I apologize--the Grandma's & Auntie have been dying to see these. If you don't want to sit through the whole slide show you can just click on "view all images". So here they are!!

2007-10-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

My Journey Through the Valley

I know, I know. I've been terrible at blogging lately. I've had so many thoughts on my heart, but I just haven't been able to formulate them into words. How do you share with people the journey that you are walking to the point that they really get it? I wish I were a more eloquent writer or a deeper philosopher or an animated storyteller, but I am not. Yet, in the depths of my soul I feel this need to tell you about the journey I have walked this year. It has been the most difficult year so far in my short life-time. Not difficult meaning just hard. Difficult meaning laborious, meaning full of strain & emotion. Difficult meaning overwhelming. I have been on a journey through the valley of the shadow of death. I have read Psalm 23 pretty much my whole life. If I was on Jeopordy & $10,000 was at stake, I could probably even recite it to you. I know the imagery of Christ as our Shepherd. I have pictured Him leading me by quiet waters & restoring my soul. I saw the beauty in that & I have found great comfort in those words for many years. But I have never, ever walked through this valley of the shadow of death. Until this year. In December, we found out that my Mom had breast cancer. Again. This really shook me to my core. She had already beat this horrible disease. She was invincible. Wasn't she? Again, God? Really? But we got through it. We were the ones in the waiting room that got the good news. We rejoiced in the doctor's words that they had gotten all the cancer. Life could go on for us. It would be a difficult recovery, but she would be ok. That is what a child needs to know. That their parents are ok. Those two little letters hold an ocean of meaning, don't they? And then came April. Then came the darkness. Then came the entrance into this dark valley. What pain I felt as I listened to my Dad talk about ovarian cancer. Talk to us with a strained voice about 10% chance of a cure. What does that mean? Is she going to die? Will we fight this for the rest of her life? Will this be my last Christmas with my Mom? Will she meet my sweet Bella from El Salvador? How many more phone calls will I have. How many more visits? Kisses & hugs? Will I be OK? We got through the surgery & I spent a month in Florida watching my Mom struggle with the pain; with the questions. With trying to show all of us that it will, in fact, be ok. I spent the next several months on airplanes back & forth from Houston to Florida. Back & forth--my heart split in two between the two places I wanted to be. But there was only one of me & I have to tell you, that that part of things--the split of my heart, was one of the most agonizing aspects of this whole thing. How do you live with a heart split in two? I watched her hair fall out. I watched her strength deplete. I watched her color wain. I watched her struggle with unbearable pain. But most of all I watched her spirit. I watched her faith. I watched her hope. I watched her passion and love for our sweet Shepherd who was guiding us all. Those things did not falter. She may think that they did, but they did not. They remained steady. Day by day, step by step through this valley. Creeping closer & closer to the edge of the shadow. Death. One Sunday morning I was driving to church listening to an old Hillsongs cd from college. "Let the weak say I am strong. Let the poor say I am rich. Let the blind say I can see. It's what the Lord's done in me. Hosanna to the Lamb that was slain." In those moments, in that car God whispered to the deepest deep of my soul & told me that my Mom was going to die. I needed to prepare myself. I could hardly breathe. The weight of these words cut me like the sharpest knife on earth. It shook me & I fell apart. And yet at the same exact moment that these words came, a peace, triumphant & strong came riding in & caught me up and held me close. I cannot explain to you the worship I experienced in that moment. I was undone. And yet, I had peace that could not be expressed or explained. My shepherd had swept in to lead me beside quiet waters. He quieted me with His love. He restored my soul. He promised me grace for the moment. So I kept walking. Day after day, step after step. Whatever happens, I will be ok. My Mom will be ok. My Dad & sister will be ok. We are going to get through this. And then we get the news. The cancer is GONE. Gone! What joy flooded my soul. I sobbed on the phone with my Mom. I couldn't hold it in any longer. My God, my sweet Shepherd had shown His mercy to my family. His stripes on the cross had healed my Mom. Oh what grace--what beauty! He had carried us through the valley. He had given peace to my tortured soul. He had shown me that even if my Mom does not survive this, His grace will be sufficient for my every moment. He allowed me to walk through that valley to draw me closer to His side. He walked me through that valley to close up the valley I had created in my heart--a chasm separating me from intimacy with my Heavenly Father. He whispered words of death to create a life inside of my tired heart. What a Savior. What a Shepherd. What grace. What tender, beautiful grace. He has healed my Mom's body. He has healed my soul. He has lead me through this valley to rivers of joy! And that's not the end. He can do this for you! He can restore. He can quiet you with His love. He can give peace where there is no peace. He longs to lead you to the rivers of joy. But you will have to walk through the valley. That is the only path--the only route to those streams. Walk with Him. Trust Him. Oh what joy awaits you!!

2007-10-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

What I Am Thinking About Right Now

**NOTE**While to the untrained eye this might look like just a plain old Rachel's Random Bullet Point post, it is actually much much different. Ok, not really, but I was hoping to mix it up a little bit.

I can't believe that my Mom's cancer is gone. I still feel like I'm in shock over this & it bothers me that I prayed & prayed for her healing, but now that God has answered my prayers I'm having a hard time believing it's real. Why do I doubt? I am overjoyed by this news & can't wait to see my family at Thanksgiving. I think that for the first time we will truly be able to properly celebrate this year!
Why don't colds just go away after a day? Why do they linger FOREVER? I've been at home sick since Monday. Yuck not fun.
Why can't I discipline myself to lose my last 13 pounds? I just can't get past this plateau.
Ok, well actually I know the answer to that one: chips & salsa + new natural salt & cracked pepper popcorn.
Why do I love to eat? Why can't I just like it like the normal person?
Why is it that the final thing that we have to do on our dossier list for our adoption has turned into 6 smaller muy expensive items?
I love my husband more today than I did last week.
When can I start listening to Christmas music & not be labeled a freak?
I think it's the cutest thing in the world that Ava has fallen in love with her 2 little twin baby dolls. She takes care of them ALL day. She puts on their diapers (and takes them off & puts them on & takes them off & puts them on.......), gives them cheerios & milk, pushes them in their stroller, pats them on the back, kisses their faces (well, licks them actually), covers them with a blanket. How did she learn all those things? And why is it so darn cute??
Why don't bathrooms clean themselves?
I think that reading a book is the greatest escape. I think that you become smarter as you read. I love that I love to read. I'm so glad my parents built that into me at a very young age. I just finished Harry Potter #4. So good. Now I'm reading "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer. It's about a little 9 year old genius who lost his Dad in 9-11 & thinks that his Dad left him all these clues around the city. It's very cool. Did you read James Joyce in High School? If so, you are smarter. Anyways, this book reminds me of a very modern, fun, hip version of James Joyce. Stream of conciousness my dears.
Ava's favorite book is "They Eye Book" by Theodore LeSeig. That is actually Dr. Suess. His name was Theodore Giesel, but when he wrote children's books as himself & not Dr. Suess, he turned his name backwards & became Theodore LeSeig. I think that man had identity issues.
I bought some new cute shoes to replace my old cute shoes that got a huge giant rip in them. But all I ever want to wear are the old cute shoes. Apparently I don't like change. Unless it's something that is changing into something I like more.
Will we live in Houston Texas forever?
Will I be happy forever if we live in Houston Texas forever?
Would Jane Austen & I be friends if she was still alive & living next door to me in Houston Texas?
Sometimes I feel afraid to walk to the mailbox in the middle of the sunshiny day. I'm afraid that a bad guy will kidnap me or that gangsters will raid my house while I'm gone.
I think that I have a serious problem as a conspiracy theorist.
Why am I afraid of so many stupid things?
Do I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in my life?
Does my husband know that I love him more this week than last week?
Does God ever tire of being patient with me?
I think that's all I'm thinking at the moment. Good bye.

2007-09-28T12:33:00.001-07:00

Rejoicing!!!

Hey friends! It is with great joy (& complete shock!!) that I am writing this post! My Mom's cancer is GONE!!! My mind is just spinning, so I hope this all comes out coherently :) My Mom just called to let me know that the CT Scan came back clear. The doctor found nothing on the scan! Her cancer cell count is down from over 900 after surgery in April to 15. She asked the doctor what a normal woman who doesn't have ovarian cancer would test as & he said between zero & 30, so she is in the "no cancer" zone. We are all just in tears of great joy. We cried together on the phone just praising our Jehovah Raphah--our God who heals. I absolutely know that this is a direct result of your prayers. So thank you so deeply for carrying my family to our Father. May He receive glory from this!
The next step is to remove her port through a minor surgery on October 8th. Once it is removed the doctor will send a scope down through her system to do a double check to make sure he doesn't find anything. If he does, he will open her up at the time & remove any remnants of the tumor. So we are not completely out of the clear yet, but everything looks amazing. Please join us in praying for clear results during this next test. The doctor said that many patients in her position will continue for several years/the rest of their lives to continue undergoing chemo every six months or so to keep their systems clear. My parents have yet to decide about this, but there is time for such decisions to be made.
What joy we have today! "Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits--who forgives your sins and heals your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things......." (Psalm 103:1-5) Thank you for walking through all of this with me. I will update everyone after her surgery on the 8th. I hope that you can find joy in knowing that God used you greatly in my life during these last few months. God bless you all!

2007-09-25T13:34:00.000-07:00

She's Good for my Soul.....

2007-09-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm at a Place Called Vertigo

Hey friends. No I'm not obsessed with U2. Ok, well, maybe I am, but that's not what this post is about. I'm actually really at a place called vertigo. For those of you that may not know, I have been very sick during the last 2 months & have been undergoing all kinds of medical tests. I have been to the doctor more during the last 2 months than in the last 5 years combined. I'm having major major stomach problems (cramping, nausea, soreness & tenderness in my lower abdomen, etc...). So far I've had tons of bloodwork, an ultrasound & a stool sample test. Everything has come back normal, but I'm still having a lot of pain. I'm still waiting on my most recent round of bloodwork, so we'll see what that says. So I've been referrred to a GI doctor & I'm hoping to get in soon. On top of all that over the last 2 weeks I've become extremely dizzy and everything is spinning. I'm having severe fatigue & I just all around don't feel good. So....I went back to the doctor on Thursday & was diagnosed with vertigo. She removed (sorry this is gross) a HUGE clump of wax that was pushing against my inner ear & told me to take a few days to see if it helped things. It did--temporarily & now I'm feeling bad again. So now they're trying to figure out if my 2 problems are linked or are 2 separate things. So far, here are some possible diagnosis:
1. thyroid problems
2. all of this is stress
3. crohn's or ulcerative colitis
4. IBS
5. problems with my sinuses & inner ear
6. major anemia
7. possible problems in my reproductive organs
So now I've been told to go see the GI doctor & an OB/Gyn to get more tests run. I'm just ready to feel better. I'm so tired & dizzy/nauseous, crampy all the time lately. All that feels good is lying on the couch, but as you can imagine, that doesn't really work with a toddler. So please pray for me as it seems that I still have a lot more testing to undergo. I'm going to see a chiropractor tomorrow (free of charge--as a gift!!) b/c on top of all this other stuff, my back is completely out of whack & is hurting worse than it's hurt in about 4 years. SO......fun stuff. I'm pretty sure the back is all from stress--I carry my stress in my shoulders, neck & upper back.

Sorry this is all such bad news--I feel like Debby Downer lately. The overwhelming majority of stuff in our lives right now is pretty heavy & difficult. I'm really longer for better days. My entire family is just worn. Please continue to pray for all of us.

On the adoption front....you guessed it.....more not so great news. We found out that several things we've completed for our dossier were incorrect & have to be redone, so we're looking at more money & more time. I've been so frustrated with this lately. I am honestly wondering if we will ever meet our daughter. I know that's stupid, but I feel like we just can't get it together. I'm so depressed everytime I see that ticker at the top on my blog saying how long we've been waiting for Bella. I don't want to take it down b/c it's keeping me working, but I can't believe it's been almost 8 months!! We need some serious miracles right now--money, things to push through & get completed, open doors. I just wish that this one thing could come together & work out for us....I really need that right now.

Oh, and did I mention that Matt will be out of town all week?

Ok, I think that's it. I'm sorry to complain & to be so down. The pain & stress of everything difficult in my life just gets to me some days. Today is one of those days. On a happier note--2 beautiful pictures. The first of my Mom & Ava & the second--a new picture of Ava. Enjoy :)

2007-09-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

Prayer Day for my Mom

Hey everyone! As most of you know, my sweet Mama has been battling very severe ovarian cancer (after her second battle against breast cancer this winter). She just finished her final chemo treatment a couple of weeks ago. This Friday she will be going in for her post-chemo CT Scan to see how her body has responded to the chemo. It's a really big, scary day for my family as we will be finding out if the chemo has been effective. It will take a week to get the results back, so it's going to be an excruciating week. A bunch of my Mom's friends are going to be gathering together at 7:00pm this Thursday the 20th for a time of prayer for my Mom before she goes in for her tests. I thought it would be such an awesome blessing to ask everyone I know to also be praying at 7:00 for my Mom. I know that God can work miracles, and we are asking Him to do just that. Below are some prayer requests that I recently emailed to a lot of my friends, but I also wanted to post them here for people whose emails I don't have. Would you be willing to commit to praying for my Mom this Thursday at 7:00pm? Here are some specific ways to pray:

1. First & foremost, pray for complete healing of her body--NO MORE CANCER!!

2. Pray for comfort in her body as she is in incredible pain & discomfort. It sounds like everything hurts, from her head to her stomach, to the tips of her fingers and toes. She is completely miserable. Pray for an alleving of pain this week.

3. Pray that the CT scan is completely thorough and complete the first time around

4. Pray for her emotions--she is feeling very down these days.

5. Pray for my family--for my Dad & Emily as they are in FL with her, and for us as we are away. I am not doing very well with things lately. I've pretty much been a big ball of tears this past week. If you have never watched someone you love more than yourself suffer immensely, I don't know how to describe it except to say that it is far worse than anything I've ever dealt with in my life. We need so much peace right now. Peace that can only come from our Heavenly Father. Pray that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:7

6. Pray for an outpouring of love for my Mom from her friends on Thursday night. She just needs some good hugs & encouragement--something to whisper to her heart to keep fighting.

7. Finally, join us in praying for a miracle. I have never felt God asking me for more faith than right now. I am praying the prayer that Hezakiah prayed in Isaiah 38. He fell ill & God told him that he was going to die. So, he prayed that God would spare his life so that He could bring more glory to God. This is what I'm praying for my Mom. I'm praying that God would spare her more years so that she can spend the rest of her days praising and bringing more glory to God. "For the grave cannot praise You, death cannot sing Your praise.....the living, the living--they praise You; as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about Your faithfulness. The Lord will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the Lord." (Isaiah 37:18-19). Until God confirms that healing this side of heaven is God's plan for my Mom right now, I'm going to pray for a miracle--for complete healing. Please join us in praying huge and mighty prayers for my Mom b/c He is a huge and mighty God. I am trusting in His goodness and I know that His plans for healing for my Mom--either here on earth, or her ultimate healing in heaven--are beautiful & perfect.

Thank you so much for praying--if you're up for joining us, would you mind commenting me to let me know (if you've already emailed me--don't worry about reposting :) I'm passing along all the names of people praying to my Mom so she can see the army of people that will be meeting her at the throne of grace!! Love you all :)

2007-09-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

Hello

Hi blogging friends. Sorry it's been awhile since my last post. I've been walking through a lot of stuff lately that has just felt very personal to me, so I haven't been so excited to share these thoughts with the entire world. I've just been very emotional lately about my Mom, about our adoption, about some decisions Matt & I are trying to pray through. Just a lot right now that is consuming my time and my mind. Sometimes I feel guilty when I don't blog, and quite honestly, that's pretty stupid. That's the problem with a blog....you get so used to sharing everything with everyone & then you start walking things that don't need to be publicized, and what do you do? So, all that to say, I'll be back soon with updates and pictures and all those other sorts of things. Until then, can you pray for me? Just a lot on my emotional plate right now. Thanks friends :) Love you & we'll be chatting soon, I promise!

2007-08-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

Tummy Trouble and Other Fun Things

Hello fellow blogging friends :) I've been in kind of a blogging funk lately--haven't had much to write that I want the public to read....no offense or anything :) Anyways, I need you guys to pray for me. I've been having major stomach problems over the last month or so. It's been pretty awful & very painful. So I went to see my doctor & they did some bloodwork & that came back normal. Now I have to do a stool sample (sounds delightful, huh?) this weekend & then I'm getting an ultrasound on Wednesday morning to check out my stomach & my pelvic cavity. If that comes back normal then I have to get a colonoscopy. So please be praying for all of this. I'm so ready to have some relief. My doctor said that it sounds like something with my gallbladder, but hopefully we'll know for sure by next week. Thanks for praying!

In other very cool news--God has worked out our car situation! We knew that we had to sell the CR-V to get out of that monthly payment so that we could take care of some debt. We had no idea how we would be a one car family with Matt's crazy work schedule, but we were trusting God to work those things out. And that's exactly what He did!!! My parents are going to buy the CR-V & finish out our payments for us. They're trying to downgrade, b/c they have 3 cars right now. So they're buying the CR-V & GIVING us my Dad's old jeep. We were in tears the other night just praising God for this major blessing. So.....to swap cars that means I have to go to Florida next week--YEAH!!

Matt & I are going to drive & meet my Dad in Pensacola & swap cars & then I'm going to keep driving to FL with my Dad & will be staying for a week. Next Friday, the 7th, will be my Mom's last day of chemo!! We're all just so proud of my Mom for enduring all of this! I'm excited that I'll be there to celebrate the end of this! After that point she will undergo tests to see if more chemo is needed--please join us in praying for healing & for NO MORE CHEMO!!

I guess that's about it. I'm still having problems with getting my videos of Ava up on dropshots, so hopefully I can get that figured out this weekend. Adios :)

2007-08-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Dowensky

Hey friends! Some of our best best friends, Aaron & Jamie, have just begun the process to adopt a sweet little 2 year old boy from Haiti. They just started a new blog to chronicle his adoption. Go check it out & keep them in your prayers as they begin this very exciting & overwhelming journey!

2007-08-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Half-Birthday Kid :)

Hey friends! Today is Ava's half birthday! She is 18 months old. I have been a little sappy about it today--seems so crazy that she's already that old. Her new words this week are "hot" and "no". That last one has been fun, let me tell you! And everything is hot. It's pretty cute. Her food is hot. It's hot outside. The inside of the car is hot when we get in. The oven is hot. I love it :) So for your viewing pleasure today I thought I would upload a couple of videos from the last couple of weeks. But for some reason I can only access one of them right now, so I'll try the other 2 later. This is a denial of poop. Pretty funny....

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

2007-08-20T14:24:00.000-07:00

My Rock Star Boyfriend

Ok friends. If you have known me for more than 5 minutes you know that I have been in love with Phil Joel (formerly of the Newsboys, although sometimes still with the Newsboys :) for almost half of my life. I'd like to give you a breakdown--a chronological calendar of events--of our relationship. Here you go......(ps: more bullet points for you fans out there!)

1994: Phil Joel joins the Newsboys

1994: I lay eyes on Phil Joel for the first time on tv--actually on the making of the "Shine" video

1995: I see Newsboys for the first time in concert at the USF sundome

1995: Same day. My friends & I stalk down the Newsboys after their set & wait for them at their bus. Yes....I was a 15 year old groupie

1995: Also the same day. I touch Phil Joel's hair and arm. Oh my goodness--it is official. I AM IN LOVE. Love people.

1995: Same beautiful day. I take about 10,000 pictures with Phil Joel before being dragged away by security. PS....I LOVE him.

1995-2002: I attend every Newsboys concert that comes within 5 hours of me. And at each concert I get there hours early to have front row seats. I stand at the stage. I mouth, "I love you Phil Joel" every time he comes near me. I try to touch his shoes. I am IN LOVE people.

2000: My roomate gives me a life-size cardboard cutout of Phil Joel. He lives with me until I get married. When I had roomates he lived in my closet--my secret love. When I lived by myself he stayed with me in my bedroom. However--we remained pure--he slept in the extra bed :)

2000--2004: I buy Phil Joel's solo albums & rock out to them pretty much every time I'm in the car by myself.
2001: I carry my Phil with me to the Festival Con Dios concert. Although being a grown woman I am peer-pressured by the students in our ministry to leave him in the car. I cry silent tears.

2002: I get married to Matt Setliffe

2002: Matt Setliffe carries Phil Joel to the dumpster & tells me to move on.

2002: I see Phil Joel's wife at a concert. She is blond and beautiful. And being newly married myself I realize that the love affair is over. We will just be friends. And I'm ok with that. I have fallen more in love with Matt Setliffe than I ever was with Phil Joel. Plus Matt Setliffe will kiss me back.

2006: I find out that our best friends, spur58, have just signed to the same record label as Phil Joel. They mock me & say that maybe they'll get me an autograph. I'm still waiting guys.

2006: Christmas time. I get a message from Jamie, and then 3 minutes later get a message from Maris. THEY MET HIM!!!!!!! They were at a label Christmas party and he was there. And THEY TALKED TO HIM!!!!!!! I am insanely jealous. Matt Setliffe tells me to move on.

2007: The other day. I pull out my old Phil Joel cds that I have not listened to in at least a year. (I am trying to move on people....) I open the cd booklet.......and guess what I found???? A song. A song called "El Salvador". He had written it after going there on a mission trip with his wife. I had forgotten all about it. So all day long I listened to my old flame sing a beautiful song about the place of my daughter's birth. The place that is so dear & close to my heart right now. And I love him all over again. But not in a oh my gosh, you are so dang hot & I want to kiss you sort of way. But in a, wow. God is so funny. We really are friends--God has given us a heartbeat for the same place. Now how cool is that???

ps....I still secretly LOVE you Phil Joel :)

2007-08-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

Back to the Bullet Points

Hey friends. I have been meaning to post for awhile now, but I feel kind of overwhelmed by all that I wanted to say. And so I kept putting it off, and now I hardly even remember all those things I was going to say. So here goes. Who knows if this is even the half of it, but it's the best I can do on this Saturday morning :)

Ava: I know that most people that read this blog are far more interested in Ava than the rest of us, so I will start with her. Oh, and I don't mind that, b/c I also think that she's pretty great! Ava is now 17 months old. Oh my goodness--time is flying by people. She has been so much fun lately. I feel like I'm getting a better hold of how to deal with her tantrums. READ: ignore her. So, now that we have that a little better under control, I feel like I'm enjoying these days of early toddlerhood much better now. She is walking & running around like crazy. One of her favorite things to do is pull Oliver's tail until he shrieks. I then have to find the cat from his hiding place & love on him until he starts breathing again. She also loves to talk to Daddy on her play phone. She walks around all day babbling to him on her phone. It is way too cute. She also loves shoes. She tries to put them on & then takes them off. Very fun :) She's fallen for Elmo & even notices him on diaper coupons and from a distance in the store. "Melmo" is her bestest friend right now--well, except for Lola of course!! She loves buttons, straps, doors & anything else she can manipulate. It is fun to watch her figure things out. She is talking like crazy too. She is a joy & is so much fun. However, I don't feel like I've sat down in about 3 months :)
Married Stuff: Matt & I were able to get away earlier this week for a couple trip---NO BABY!! Our amazing friends Crystin & Ben watched Ava for us for 3 whole days so we could get away. We went to San Antonio & had such a fun time. I took tylenol pm & slept blissfully until after 9 both days. I haven't done that in, oh, 17 months. It was beautiful. We ate great food (including one of the top 15 burgers you should eat before you die here), went and saw the most amazing movie, Becoming Jane, went to a jazz club & just spent time together reading, talking, catching up. They were some of the greatest days I've had in my life. Thanks Ben & Crystin--you gave us such a precious gift!

Adoption: We are well on our way to finishing our dossier paperwork--woo hoo! We are beginning our meetings with our psychologist next week. We found this lady who is a Christian & who has done lots of adoption psych testing before. God is so good to bring her across our path. So now we just have to get ahold of our police records, gather some documents, finish our psych visits, get our photo pages done & we will be done with our dossier. Then we will have to get everything notarized before sending them to their originating states for apostilling by the secretary of state. We are not going to hit our target of early September, but that's ok. We're getting closer to Bella every day & that's all that really matters. Plus, we're still a long way off with our funding, so we can't submit anything for awhile anyways. On to my next point:

Our Finances: Early in our marriage we made some MAJOR money mistakes & now we have quite a bit of credit card debt. God has been on us very heavily about this in the last couple of weeks. We are missing out on so much by being tied up financially. So, in an effort to knock out some of that debt, we have decided to sell one of our cars. We won't really make anything on it, but it will get rid of a very large car payment every month. I had originally thought that we could do this to give us money for our adoption,but the more we prayed about it we felt that God wanted us to use that money every month to pay down our credit card debt. Ok God--but what about our adoption??? However, we know that this is what we need to do, so we are going to trust God with this. We feel like He is asking us to work on our finances & He will provide the adoption money. So...please pray for us as we work towards being debt free. It's going to take awhile, but we're committed to getting there. Also please pray for us as we go down to one car--it's going to be pretty inconvenient at times! Finally, please pray for the remaining $3500 that we need to send in our adoption paperwork. We are believing God for this money!!

My Mama: She's doing ok--definitely ready to be done with chemo. Last week's passing out ordeal was very scary. Thankfully she is ok, and Emily was with her & kept a cool head while calling 911. Only one more round of chemo to go & then she'll undergo tests to see if she needs more. Please pray that all is well & that she needs NO MORE CHEMO!!

Randomness:

1. I still love diet dp

2. I have fallen back in love with cereal. And chips & salsa. Hello old friends.

3. I think that Jane Austen is just amazing. I love everything she's written & I loved watching her life in Becoming Jane. Go see this movie--it was marvelous!!

4. The Alamo is very cool.

5. I wish I could sleep in more.

6. I don't pray enough.

7. I really really love my husband.

8. I have gotten nothing done this week b/c I've been reading Harry Potter non-stop. I started the series back around Christmas & took some time off. While in San Antonio I started #3 & finished it last night. Now lies the question--do I start #4 today, or do I take a few days off to get things done??

9. I love to read. I mean, LOVE IT!! When I start a good book I cannot get anything else done. It is a blessing & a curse. Ps--I love Harry Potter.

10. I want to get a pretty party dress some day.

2007-08-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

Pictures From The Last Month Here are some pictures that I've taken recently. Enjoy! I'm having the hardest time with my blog right now, so I don't know if it will let me label them. A bullet point update is on its way soon :)

Ava & PawPaw--quite possibly her favorite person on earth.
Ava & Emmy being silly :)
Pretty girl

The Murbach girls

Mi familia

Ava in her kimono outfit from Daddy's trip to China--she looked SO CUTE!

Reading her favorite book

Ava in her (too big!!) new kicks--excuse the yellow socks--it's all I could find :)

Hanging out with some of her best friends

2007-08-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

I Ain't No Southern Girl :)

For all of those that say I've lost my Yankee roots... and yes, I do still call it pop :)

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
North Central
The West
Boston
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2007-07-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

New Blankets For Sale!!

Hey friends! My sister, Emmy & I are so excited to show you our new blankets! I have been in Florida for the past 2 weeks while Matt is on a mission trip in China. While I've been here Emmy and I have been working like crazy making blankets. We watched the whole first season of Gilmore Girls while we cut, pinned and sewed. It's been a lot of fun! You can see all the blankets at www.auntieemscreations.blogspot.com . We also still have the pink & blue blankets that we have sold in the past. However, due to low demand, we have discontinued the blue polka-dot/fish blanket. But we think you will like the new ones a lot! So take a look around & tell your friends about us! Remember, 100% of profits made from the blankets go into our El Salvador adoption fund! You can also make a donation if you don't have a need for a baby blanket but still want to help out. Thanks for helping us bring baby Bella home, and thanks for stopping by!

2007-07-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

Another Milestone Reached

I am so so so so so so tired but I had to post a quick blog. Since this blog (at the moment at least!) is the closest thing I have to a baby book for baby #2, I just had to write this down before I forgot. Today I mailed off our USCIS application & a big chunk of change!! Yeah!! We are getting so much closer to finishing all the paperwork for our adoption....it's starting to get pretty exciting. We still have a ways to go--probably 1-2 more months of work, but we're closer today than we have been yet. God has so faithfully provided every cent that we have needed. I am just in awe of His provision. What I love most is that He is using you--the Body of Christ to provide for us. He could just dump money through our chimney, but this is so much more real....so much more beautiful! We watched a Primetime special tonight about adoption--from the viewpoint of birthmothers. It was so touching. I cried through the whole thing & I am just sitting here praising God that He has included us in this crazy, amazing plan of His for our family. It made me want to work that much harder to bring Bella home. (And yes...we are still calling her Bella around here :) Love you all...I'm off to dreamland.....

2007-07-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

Prayer

I found this over at my friend Ginger's blog. It was too good not to share.

{ from ted loder’s guerillas of grace: }

how shall i pray?

are tears prayers, lord?

are screams prayers,
or groans
or sighs
or curses?

can trembling hands be lifted to you,
or clenched fists
or the cold sweat that trickles down my back
or the cramps that knot my stomach?

will you accept my prayers, lord,
my real prayers,
rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life,
and not just the pretty, cut-flower,
gracefully arranged bouquet of words?

will you accept me, lord,
as i really am,
messed up mixture of glory and grime?

2007-07-21T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hello From Florida!

Hi friends :) Sorry it's been awhile since my last post. I've been in Florida for a week now, spending time with my family while Matt is in China. I'm having a really good time here. I've been sick for most of the week, but I'm feeling a little better today. I've had a few "I think I need to go the emergency room" moments & a major pregnancy scare (I'm not--praise God!!). It's been an interesting week :)

I've talked to Matt a couple of times & it sounds like they're having a really amazing trip. 5 college students have already given their life to Christ! Every time I talk to him he says, I want to adopt from China--maybe one day! We are going for a kid in every color--red & yellow, black & white. We'll see where God leads us. They got to worship with a house church pastor the other day--it sounds like it was a very sweet time. He's also hoping to be able to go to a house church meeting in the next couple of days. I am so thankful that he is getting these experiences, but a little jealous that I'm not right there with him! Hopefully someday I'll get there. For all my single friends out there--go on as many mission trips as you can before you get married & have babies--it's so much harder now & it's the one thing I miss the most!

My Mom is doing ok. She just left for the hospital for a red blood cell booster shot. She finished her 4th round of chemo yesterday. Her body is extremely worn & tired, but she is still so strong. I know she doesn't think she is, but I do. I think she's more beautiful & strong than she's ever been & I'm proud to be her daughter. We've had some good news in the last few days about her cancer, but I can't remember the right terminology, so I'll save that for another post. I think her cancer cell counts are way down. Praise God for good news! I'll update when I get things figured out.

Emmy & I have been making blankets like crazy. We bought some new fabrics & should have those for sale in the next few days. I"ll just give you a preview.....we have toile & polka dots!! They are SO CUTE!! I can't wait to start selling them--I think people will really love them.

On the adoption front....we have a first draft of our homestudy!! Yeah! We should have the final notarized copy by next week. Then all we have to do is complete our psychological testing and gather some documents & we're done with all the paperwork!!! We're getting so close to the finish line--I'm so excited! We need a HUGE chunk of money in the next month, so please pray that we will be accepted by the grant & loan scholarships that we're about to apply for. We'll also be selling t-shirts when we get home, so if you know anyone who wants one, let me know!!

Last of all...I have always loved Hillsong United. But their new stuff is just so good. Go check them out here or here.

Here are some pictures for your view pleasure.

Ava's "I just smashed bananas in my hair & I don't like you laughing about it" face

the girls

Ava with Auntie Em & Grandma

Getting ready to swim

Swimming & not so sure if she's liking it

Playing with her new favorite toy

2007-07-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

Back Pain, Home Study & My Mama

Hey friends! I hope you've had a good Sunday. I had to stay home from church this morning b/c I somehow managed to throw my back out this week & I am pretty much couch bound. Not fun! But I am managing & thankfully Ava has been good for me. I also wanted to keep Ava out of the nursery this week since it is a breeding ground for germs. We're headed to Florida on Friday to spend 2 weeks with my family while Matt is in China. Since my Mom is in chemo, her immune system is very weak & I didn't want to bring any extra germs with us. So, we had a quiet morning at home. Please pray that my back starts healing....we have so much to do by tomorrow night before our social worker comes.

Tomorrow we have our last meeting with our social worker, Beth. We have our in-home visit where she tours our home, does our final couple interview & observes how we interact with Ava in her own environment. We are SO happy that our homestudy is wrapping up. It's definitely the most labor intensive part of our entire adoption process. We were really wanting to have our final meeting before we both took off for the rest of the month, so we're really happy that it all worked out. The US Center for Immigration Services (USCIS) is increasing their fees on July 31, so we really wanted to have our homestudy complete by then so we don't have to pay the extra (large) charge. Praise God....it looks like it will happen! The only bad thing by finishing early is that we now need our fee ASAP. Pray that God provides the last $300 that we need for this portion of our paperwork! Thanks for praying!! When we get back in August, we will just have to meet with our psychologist for IQ, personality & general testing and then gather a few more documents & our entire dossier will be COMPLETE!! We're hoping to have everything done & sent by early September. Please pray with us as we work diligently to complete this goal. Once our homestudy is complete we can start applying for grants & loans (hallelujah!!). To submit our dossier we will need another $5,500, so we are really hoping to be accepted by some grant organizations. After everything is turned in we will have about a year to wait for the referral of our daughter & then we will travel to get her about a month after that. SO.....hopefully she will be home by next fall.....YEAH!!! Thanks for praying through all of these things with us!

Finally, an update on my Mom. She is halfway done with her chemo treatments now. She has the week off and begins her 4th round next Friday. She had a CT Scan done this week to see the progress of the chemo. We should have the results from that by Friday. Please be praying for this.....we really need some good news right now. Pray that the chemo is doing its work & that she is on the road to being cancer free. She has about 2 good days per chemo round & the rest of the time she feels completely terrible. Her main pain is in her stomach....it's very tight, crampy & uncomfortable. She is also not sleeping very well. Please be praying for her as she begins round #4 this weekend. Thanks for your prayers. I can't wait to see my family & to spend some special time with my Mom.

Oops...one more thing :) Our family coordinator with AWAA traveled to El Salvador last week to work in-country to get some things moving within our program. The first referrals should be handed out soon to the 1st families...very exciting! El Salvador is trying to get some of the older & special needs kids adopted out first before they move on to the infants & toddlers. Here are some pictures she took of some kids that are adoptable. They are so beautiful. I thought I'd put the pictures on my blog....you never know who might see one of these kids & decide to pursue their adoption. Plus you get to see how incredible beautiful the El Salvadorian people are! Love you all! If you or anyone you know is even slightly interested in any of these kids, click here to find out how to contact AWAA.

2007-07-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

I Am Truly Unique!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

2007-07-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ava Bug

2007-07-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

Silliness

Here are some pictures from the last day of jr. high camp with all the staff guys & wives. It would take 12 days to explain why the boys look the way that they do & I don't really care to spend my day that way.....SO.....if you care, click here to see what this is all about :)

2007-07-04T16:33:00.001-07:00

Check Out This Website!!

Hey friends! One of my best friends from Florida, Aprile, just launched her own website for her teaching ministry. Go check it out....you will not be sorry!

www.aprilesweers.com

There are tons of reflection stories, pictures of her recent trip to Uganda, recipes and an AMAZING resource section with recommended reading. It is such a great website & tool for women to use. Enjoy! And if you check it out, sign the guestbook & let her know what you thought! Love you all!

2007-07-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

Such A Good Video!

Watch this & let me know what you think

2007-07-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

My Little Cuties

Hey all. I just had to share these 2 new pictures with you guys. I love them! Also, thanks for praying for us yesterday. Our interview went awesome! We have another one on Thursday & then hopefully our last one next week...yeah!! Love you all!

So sweet

Do they look alike or what?????

2007-07-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

Uh-Oh

I have always thought that kids who say "uh-oh" are just the cutest little things. I don't know why, but that word always melted my heart. So of course I have been throwing that word around all the time since Ava was born hoping she would pick it up. Well it finally stuck & she has been saying it pretty much all the time. Cat runs away...uh-oh. Ava falls down....uh-oh. Daddy acts silly....uh-oh. Ava sees a flower....uh-oh. It is so cute & I have been trying to catch in tape for days now. This morning I finally got it....twice! I hope you can catch it. I love the way she says it....I think it sounds so cute :) Ps---can you tell she still hasn't quite figured out the whole standing up business :)

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2007-07-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

Still Walking

For those of you who just couldn't wait to see Ava walking some more (AKA: the grandparents) :) Enjoy!!

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2007-07-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

Fun With The Boys

Last week I had the fun privilege of keeping our good friend Aaron & Jamie's kids so that Jamie could go to camp with her hubby. We had such a fun time hanging out with the boys. They are SUCH GREAT kids! Here are a few pictures & videos from our time together. Love you guys & miss you!! Tell your Mom & Dad to bring you again some time :)

Strong Cayden after eating his "magic beans"

Cutie-pie Deacon

My attempt of getting all 3 squirmy kids into a picture....their expressions are priceless :)

I finally got my picture....I just had to strap them all down!! Ha ha! Welcome to Carseat City

Playing with food at the Children's Museum

Driving Mr. Deacon around

Dancing Fun :)

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2007-07-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

Please Pray Today

Hey friends! I have so much to write about my week with the Ivey kids last week & so many pictures to post, but I'm about to walk out the door & wanted to write this really quick. Please be praying for Matt & I as we have our first meeting with our adoption social worker this afternoon. We are driving up to Conroe today & Thursday to do our first couple interviews & then (hopefully) she will be coming next week to do our in-home visit & our individual interviews. So just be praying today at 1:00 for God to give us favor in her eyes, for us to have clarity of thought & speech as we work through our interview, for Ava to be good & not grumpy with her babysitters (she's cutting more teeth...enough said!!) and for our homestudy process to come to a quick & easy end. Thanks for praying!! Hopefully I will post lots of pics and videos in the next few days. Love you all!!!

2007-06-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Look Who's [REALLY] Walking!!!

Ava took her first steps a few weeks ago, but then chickened out & completely stopped walking for about a week. Then on Thursday I walked into the kitchen and she came around the corner & walked right towards me! It was so funny :) She then proceeded to do about 5 laps around the entire downstairs. Cayden, Deacon & I all followed her & clapped and cheered for her. She was so proud of herself, but not as proud as I am of her!! She turned 16 months old the day before, so I guess she just needed a little extra time. Yeah Ava....we're all SO PROUD OF YOU! This video is for Grandma.....hope this brightens your day today as you go through another round of chemo. We're praying for you today & missing you!! Ava can't wait to show you her new skills :) Love you!

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2007-06-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

5 Years

Today my sweet Matt and I are celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary! I can't believe we've already been married that long! We have been together for almost 10 years now...so crazy! This has definitely been a difficult year for us....new job for Matt, another move, completing our 1st year of parenthood, beginning our adoption, my Mom's cancer, lots of time apart....but I feel like we have come through everything stronger. I am glad that we have made it through the tough times & that tomorrow morning we get to wake up & start fresh with our 6th year. I remember how much I loved Matt when we stood on that altar & said our vows to each other. But I had no idea I could love him so much more today. It is a deeper love now...a love that has walked through difficulty, amazing times, sorrow, and so much more. It is a weathered love, but it is a strong love. I can't wait to see what we'll be saying about our love in another 5 years. God has been so completely faithful to us. I love you Matt & can't wait to spend a thousand more tomorrows with you!!

2007-06-14T14:52:00.000-07:00

On Its Way

Our home study paperwork that is!! We finally got this huge wave of paperwork done & it is probably sitting in a FedEx van as we speak. I am super excited & feel like an enormous burden has been lifted off of me. This is one of those moments though where I know that I am way more excited than anyone else about this, so I am reveling in my own feelings of happiness. I was hoping that we could make it a family fieldtrip, but Matt is too stressed & busy getting ready for camp. So it was just Ava & I. And I forgot my camera. So it was a small celebration, but it was a personal victory all the same. Maybe Ava & I will go treat ourselves to ice cream tonight while Daddy works late. Or maybe I should pack for camp since I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning. I am having a very hard time getting into camp zone. I don't think I'm dreading it....just dreading preparing to leave/drive by myself. I'll talk to you all soon....the bebe just woke up :)

2007-06-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Guess Who Started Walking?!?

I'm about to run out the door to pick up my medical exams and have them notarized, but I just had to write to tell you that Ava started walking last night!!!! YEAH!!! I was jumping up & down & screaming & making a complete fool of myself. Ava was just laughing the whole time (probably at me :) Of course, after she took several steps she laid down & gave up. And this morning she has only tried one time, but that's ok with me. I know she can do it now & she's just been stubborn (as we expected all along). So hopefully by next week she will be a little more confident & she will let me get it on tape. Somebody out there must have been praying for this :) YEAH AVA---Daddy & I are so proud of you!!!

2007-06-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

Support Adoption By Eating Ice Cream!

Go to Wendy's during Father's Day weekend...50 cents from every Frosty purchased at Wendy's will be donated to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. This is for June 16th and 17th only. Spread the word!!!!

2007-06-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

What A Week!

Hey friends. It seems like I just did my bullet point update, but here goes another one. Too much happened this week to write everything out. So here is the fast version :)

God blessed us in HUGE ways as far as our adoption finances go. We received $1450 in gifts just this week from several different families at church. Wow! So that means that we are finally able to send in our Home Study packet!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!! This is such a huge part of the adoption process....probably the most work of the entire journey. We are so excited to be moving forward. God is so good to us & He has shown us again that His is our Jehovah Jireh...the God who Provides. What a huge relief to have this portion done! We are hoping to FedEx it out on Thursday....hopefully we can get someone to take a picture for our daughter's baby book.

Yes....I said daughter!! After tons and tons of prayer, seeking wisdom from other adoptive families, talking to our families and tons more prayer, we are feeling led to request a girl. This has been such a difficult decision for us to make, but we feel so much peace about the direction that God is leading us. For now, we've been calling her Bella, but who knows if that name will keep! Ava's name changed so many times while I was pregnant, so who knows what she will be officially called :)

Thursday was one of the scariest days of my life. Emily called me crying around 7am and said that Mom was on her way to the hospital in an ambulance. After lots and lots of tests they determined that she had a seizure. She will be taking medicine now for epilepsy. What an emotional and draining weekend this weekend was for my sweet family. My Mom is so tired and worn out....please continue to pray for her. She had a chemo treatment yesterday & now has 3 weeks off to rest. Praise God for this!

We bought a season-pass to the children's museum and took Ava again on Saturday. She is definitely in her happy place when we go down there. It is so fun to watch her go crazy & play with other kids. She loves to share her toys with the other kiddos. It's so sweet. I tried to take about 20 pictures, but all of them were fuzzy b/c she wouldn't stop moving. It was a lot of fun!

Ava is following in my footsteps.....see picture below :)

Yes....that is diet dr. pepper :)

We are running around like chickens with their heads cut off getting ready for camp. I have never seen Matt so stressed in the 9 years that I have known him. I'm going up early on Friday to get Ava settled in & then Matt is bringing the kids up on Saturday. We have high school & jr. high back-to-back, so we'll be there until the following Sunday. Our best friends....the Spur family are going to be there--yeah!! It's going to be a lot of fun. I've got to make my packing list today & start doing laundry. It's not so easy packing for 9 days of camp...I feel like I have to bring EVERYTHING!!! My niece Desi is coming for jr. high camp & then staying for a few days afterwards. It's going to be a lot of fun seeing her & catching up!
Ava is still not walking. I've been praying like crazy that she would start walking before camp so I'm not having to carry her everywhere all week. We need a miracle people...only 2 more days to go!!
Ava's new favorite words are "happy", "hi", "mama" and "babaw" (what she's been calling my Mom--Grandma)
I had a moment of complete weakness at Target the other day. I went to get some basics...toilet paper, milk, etc....and decided to walk through the baby clothes section. I should know better than that by now. So I left with the basics--and 2 new shirts, a pair of shorts and a dress/bathing suit cover-up for Ava. What was I thinking???? Of course it was all on sale & all those things together cost $11, but still.....she does NOT need more clothes!! UGGGHHHH!! I get so angry with myself. So they are still in the bag with the receipt ready to take back. Most likely they will be thrown in the suitcase for camp & the guilt will be seen on Ava next week at camp :)
We took a little family photo shoot. There is nothing better than self-portraits. So enjoy....

I think that's it for now. You probably won't hear much from me for the next few weeks as we head to camp. I'll try to update while I'm there, but who knows if that will happen :) Love to you all!!

2007-06-11T12:56:00.000-07:00

I Think She's Happy!

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2007-06-06T11:25:00.001-07:00

My Pretty Pretty Mama

Here is my beautiful, brave, godly, wonderful Mama Moozle (and she calls me her Rachel Roozle). I think she looks more beautiful than ever. Here are her friends who have not run away or started ignoring her because she has cancer. They are loyal. They are praying. They are loving her. They are helping on the hard days. They are still there & I love them for that. They make me want to be a better friend. Thank you Jesus for Patty (still Mrs. Odom to me :) and Laura. Enjoy your club meeting today :)

2007-06-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ava's Message for Grandma :)

Hi Grandma! Ava wanted to tell you to feel better! We love you! Notice how she calls you "babaw". We send hugs & kisses & get well wishes!!! Wow....I should write for Hallmark :)

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2007-06-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Bad Kitty

Here is a video of Ava that I took the other day. You might hear her saying "bad". She says it all throughout the video. She was looking at Oliver while she was saying it. I guess she heard me yelling at him that morning & calling him a bad kitty for getting up on the table. It cracks me up....enjoy :)

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2007-05-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome To Our Casa

Hey friends! I have been wanting to post pictures of our house for like a year now b/c my family & friends in FL (and some others) still haven't seen our house. And it looks like mi familia will not be traveling to TX any time soon. So here is the grand tour Mom, Dad & Emmy. Enjoy :)

front door & foyer

the study...to the left when you walk in the front door....we need a rug :)

our living room...straight ahead when you walk in the front door. we still want to change that blue color in the nook. hopefully one of these days. any color suggestions??

other view of the living room

the kitchen

hearth area in the kitchen

breakfast nook

moving upstairs...our oh-so-exciting master bedroom. we really want to paint this a less dreary color.

our master bathroom which we LOVE--except the wallpaper!!

the kids future playroom...right now it's our junk collection room & computer room. hi matt :)

ava's bedroom...one of my favorite places in the house

the AWFUL kids bathroom. we didn't pick the color or the fish stuff. this room needs some major work. the famiy before us painted over wallpaper, so we have quite a mess on our hands! hopefully this summer we can fix it.

There's another bedroom upstairs, but I didn't take a picture b/c it's just an empty room. Once we get it decorated for the baby I'll post more pictures.

Hope you enjoyed our tour. Love you guys & hope you can come see it in real life one of these days!!

2007-05-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

Dust & Dancing....

"To You, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy; 'What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise You? Will it proclaim Your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.' You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." (Psalm 30:8-12)

2007-05-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Ramblings...

It seems like once a month I have so much that I want to journal about on this bloggity blog & don't have time to do it, thus, the ramblings post. So here are my thoughts in bullet points.

I love 100 calorie packs. I mean LOVE them. I need things in small packages. Because it tells me when to stop & I need that b/c seriously I could eat an entire bag of chips in one sitting. 100 calorie packs have become my friend. I usually keep some with me at all times so that if I'm out & about & tempted to eat that chocolate fudge caramel cheesecake with fudge & whipped cream I don't fall to it anymore. Now I just eat my 100 calorie pack & all is good. At the moment I'm loving the Hostess chocolate cupcakes (click on the link to get a coupon :). 3 mini cupcakes like the ones you used to beg your Mom to buy at the grocery store. So yummy!! And they have 5 grams of fiber, so they keep you regular. What more can you ask for?
I can't remember a single other thing I wanted to write about b/c I can't stop thinking about cupcakes. What is wrong with me??
(5 minutes later) Ok, here is something that Matt & I are praying through & really struggling with. Sorry this is on a totally different note from cupcakes....that's what happens when you bullet point your life. Anyways....we are really struggling with choosing the gender of our adopted child. I desire another daughter so deeply I can't even really put it into words. I want Ava to have a sister & I want to be the Mom of daughters. We're also hoping to adopt from Africa next & we'd love to get 1 or 2 little boys b/c those of you that have known me for any amount of time know that I have wanted little black boys pretty much since I was born. So is it wrong to pick the gender of your adopted child? Are you putting God in a box or trying to "control" things in your life? Or is it a blessing that comes with adoption? I guess it just boils down to this: when do you walk forward with the desires of your heart and when are you trying to play God? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.....we have to make our decision in the next few days. God sure is stretching my trust in Him through adoption!!!
We watched the documentary Invisible Children the other night with our students. If you haven't watched it yet, go order it right now. It will change you. It will change the way you think, act and love. But here's the scary thing. Now that I've seen it I have to DO something. I can't sit in blissful ignorance anymore. I will be judged by my response to the truth that I have witnessed. I don't want to waste my life. I want to help orphans. After the movie I seriously asked God if we could adopt 12 kids. I'm not kidding or exagerating. I want to help. I need to help. We are praying about how we can use our lives to help the hurting in this world.
That leads me to this thought. If I had watched Invisible Children when I was in High School, I'm pretty certain that I would be a missionary in Africa now. I pray that one day our family is in Africa. Even if it's short term. I want to go there. I want to adopt children from there. My soul is linked to that continent. God please take us there someday.
I just realized that I have used "I" a lot in this post. I want, I need, I feel, I will, I would. I, I, I. I want my life to be characterized by God. God. God. Father...help me get there.
I love reading fiction books. They are such an escape for me. I feel like I'm a world traveler when I read. Yesterday Matt & I finally got library cards & I felt like I was getting a passport or something. I know that I sound so cheesy right now & like I could be on one of those "I Care....Read a Book" commericals, but I don't care if you're laughing at me right now. I love reading. I love how it takes me into other people's worlds. I do not enjoy non-fiction. I read it b/c I know it makes me think & it makes me smarter. I love that God made humans to be creative and imaginative. Right now I'm reading too many books. Here they are: Unveiled by Francine Rivers, Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (I always try to be reading snippets from that or a Jane Austen book, b/c they make me happy!), and my 2 non-fiction books at the time are Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper and Confessions from an Honest Wife by Sarah Zacharias Davis.
We have been blessed by such amazing friends. They have touched my heart so much lately. You know who you are....I love all of you so much.
My friend Aprile is in Africa right now. I am jealous. Pray for her!
I am still addicted to diet dr. pepper.
Ava turns 15 months tomorrow.
I think that's all.....for now at least :)

2007-05-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

Lola

Here is Ava loving on her BFF--Lola :)

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2007-05-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

Kitty

Ava is always talking about her kitty & meowing. It is so cute!! I tried to catch it on video about 300 times yesterday & every time I started the camera she would just stare at me. Then when we'd watch it back she would answer my question from the video..."what does a kitty say" and she would meow. But of course, she just wouldn't perform for the camera. It was so funny. So here is me trying to chase down my daughter to hear her say meow.

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2007-05-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

Worst Mom of the Year Award

It officially goes to me. These are the first pictures of Ava I have taken since her birthday in F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y!!!! My memory card has been full & I've needed to take it to Sam's to get prints made & I just haven't had time. So yesterday I finally went & cut off my arm to pay for prints, BUT, it's finally done! Now I can take new ones :) Here are a few I've taken in the last couple of days. Enjoy :)

After spaghetti :)

2007-05-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

Family x 2

I just have to brag about my 2 families....my birth family & my spur family. I am blessed beyond measure by these 2 groups of people. So here goes:

Dad: My Dad is one of the strongest and wisest people that I know. He has always worked so hard to provide for all of us--always sacrificing what he wanted & what he hoped for to put us first. He is such a hero to me. I know that in the last several months he has had so much on his back as he has carried my Mom while she is sick. He is so tired & worn but at the same time, he is so strong. I know he would never admit that, but it is true. And I also know that he is probably feeling kind of helpless and useless lately, but I think that his love for my Mom has never been more important or more beautiful. His presence alone heals my Mom every day. I love my Dad so much & am proud to have inherited his crazy hair, unibrow, jiggly belly & personality. Thank you Dad, for always showing me how I deserve to be loved & for being the rock of the Murbach clan. I love you!

Mom: My Mom has just really amazed me lately as she has walked through cancer. She is full of grace & gratitude. She has reminded me that there is really no use in complaining. All she desires is that God uses this cancer to draw people (especially her family) into a relationship with our Savior. She is the greatest missionary I have ever met & her legacy of faith has changed the way I want to live. Her quiet and passionate love for the Lord & His Word has shaped me into the person that I am today. I think she is so beautiful & I know that that beauty will not fade even if she does lose all of her hair, b/c her beauty radiates from her heart. She has a glow about her b/c she knows & loves Jesus. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is feeling or the emotions that she is dealing with. To me she is so strong & brave. I love you Mom!

Emily: My sister is the most selfless person I know. She has made over 50 blankets to help support our adoption. Her poor little fingers are probably about to break, and yet every time I talk to her, she is so excited & willing to continue helping. If that's not love I don't know what is. She is a peacemaker & has the sweetest heart. Something completely terrible & unjust happened to her at work yesterday & I hate that for her so deeply b/c all she does is work hard & serve people. She is such a testimony to me of how to treat people--especially those that don't know Christ. She is moving back to FL to help take care of my Mom. She is the nurturing sister. She is the brave sister. She is the kind & compassionate sister. I hope to be half the person that she is one day. She is younger, but she is amazing & I look up to her more than she will ever know. I love you my dear :)

Spur family: Matt & I are blessed by another family too. In 2000, we met Aaron & Jamie Ivey and began a very deep and special friendship with them. They began a band called spur58 and this group of guys & their amazing wives have become something of a family. For several years, we ministered together under the umbrella of Joshua Stone Ministries. Last year, God called us to Sagemont & it has been so difficult to be away from our ministry family. Our hearts are so connected to them--as friends & as co-laborers for Christ. Their friendship is so dear to us & I don't even really know how to put into words how much this group of 5 couples (and a few wonderful others...Ginger, Mel, Tim.....) have become a part of our lives. We had the privilege of being at Chad & Stephanie's wedding on Saturday. It was such a sweet time as we watched 2 amazing friends unite their lives together. They were both in our student ministry back in Sugar Land--(wow!! we're getting old!!) While we were there, the spur family gave us an envelope with a very large amount of money for our adoption. We were blown away---but even more blessed to learn that they had had a 2 day yard sale for us. They all donated stuff, advertised & then worked different shifts...all to raise money for our adoption. We were just knocked off our feet to think that they would do that for us. What precious friends they are. We are definitely the lucky ones! So thank you Spur family....we love all of you so much & know that our journey with you is not yet done!

There are so many more friends that I consider "family", but I will save those for another post. Love you all!! Who is in your "family"?

2007-05-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day Gift

Hey friends! Sorry it's been so long. I got back from FL last Thursday & haven't slowed down since. It's been a busy couple of days. So I'm sorry this is so late, but I wanted to show you a journal that I made my Mom for Mother's Day. I had such a fun time making something for her. I usually feel very un-confidant (is that a word??) making things for people, but I really want to do more of it. So I'm posting this to remind myself that I can do it if I just sit down & try. Love you all :)

Front of journal

Inside front cover (scripture from Psalm 71)

Inside back cover

Back of journal

2007-05-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

Sadness

Joint statement from The CW and Warner Bros. Television regarding “Gilmore Girls”

“Announcing the final season of ‘Gilmore Girls’ is truly a sad moment for everyone at The CW and Warner Bros. Television. This series helped define a network and created a fantastic, storybook world featuring some of television’s most memorable, lovable characters.
We thank Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dan Palladino, Dave Rosenthal, the amazing cast led by Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel as well as the producers, writers and crew for giving us this delightful gem for the past seven years.
We would also like to thank the critics and ‘Gilmore’ fans for their passionate support and promise to give this series the send off it deserves.”
GILMORE GIRLS finale airs Tuesday May 15 on The CW at 8 p.m. ET/PT.

2007-05-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

Check It Out

Hey friends! I've been meaning to write this little post for awhile now, but better late than never I guess. Our friends have started an amazing online community called Save The Sloth. It's all about saving the Church & falling back in love with what Christ gave His life for.....the Body of Christ. Go check out their awesome website here. Love to you all!

2007-05-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

If I Was Airbrushed....

Hey friends! Time for a little silliness today :) My friend Virginia inspired me to do this....I know most of you have already done one of these, so it's nothing new. I was just too afraid to do one b/c I didn't want to look like Danny Devito or something. Oh, and I don't know how to make the picture smaller, so it cuts off Amanda Bynes...b/c I look so much like that skinny little gal!! So if I sat in a makeup chair for 12 hours & then had my picture airbrushed, here is what I might look like.....enjoy :)

ps....who the heck is helen clark????

2007-04-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

Another Thing.....

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:19-25

2007-04-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

Things I'm Loving At The Moment

Hey friends. Just wanted to share some of the lovely things in my life right now....big & small. I'm having one of those days where I feel like I could complain about everything bad in my life & so I'm trying to change my mood by telling you some of the good things. So here goes.....

The song "Perfectly Fitted" by Waterdeep. I have loved this worship group since college when I saw them in concert with 100 Portraits. Some of their stuff is amazing. Some is a little weird, but I love this new song by them. Go check it out here.
I love how Ava is learning tons of new words. When she hears a bird singing she says "bird" and points out the window. So cute! She's also saying puppy, baby, booka, eye te te (translation: my eyes see...a line from her favorite book, The Eye Book by Dr. Suess). She also sings a song that's in spanish from Sesame Street--well the chorus at least...eye, yai yai yai....I have no idea how to spell what she's singing. But it's cute....I promise :) She also says beep beep when you touch her nose, or anyone else's nose for that matter. She has been so fun lately!!
Spending time praying with my husband for our baby in El Salvador.
Mango Mandarin body wash from Bath & Body Works.....it smells so summery!
The color green that we painted our living room. Dune Grass from Eddie Bauer. It's been the same color for almost 8 months & I still like it. That's pretty amazing in my "I want to constantly change my house around" world. I'm even thinking of painting my bedroom the same color.
My adoption yahoo group.....all of the families that are adopting from El Salvador with America World. It helps me remember that I'm not alone in this process.
My sweet friends that love me so much.
Food from The Pear Tree--a restaurant across the street from us. SO YUMMY!!! Queso soup, fruit salad, chicken salad, pumpkin bread, peach tea & cider. Are you hungry yet??
My new shirt from Forever 21.....a friend gave me her store credit. I thought that was just the sweetest thing!
Fitting in a size M at Forever 21. Yeah!
My sister who is working her fingers to the bone so that we can bring our baby home. She is sacrificial & her love for my family has spoken to the deep corners of my heart. I want to be like her when I grow up. She is amazing. And so are the blankets she's making. Check them out here.
Watching Matt tickle & play with Ava. She laughs so hard. She loves him to pieces. It makes me love him to pieces.
Compact fluorescent light bulbs....it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for the planet.
Wearing flip-flops again. I feel lost in the winter without them.
Talking to my Mom and Dad on the phone every day. It makes me feel warm inside.
Diet Dr. Pepper.....like always.
The flowers planted in my front yard that rebloomed. I thought they were dead & gone & now they're back.
Getting new vacuum bags so that I could FINALLY vacuum my floors after a whole week of not being able to. I love having clean floors.
Ava's summer clothes. They are so cute & they make me jealous of her cool style :)
My God who has been so faithful & near me when I'm feeling very low. I'm thankful for Psalm 77, which has become my relief. I'm just so glad that God is still God & He is ok when I question His goodness & His plans. I'm glad that He doesn't love me less when I tell Him I'm angry that my Mom is sick. I'm thankful that Job was a real person & I can learn from Him. I'm thankful for peace that passes understanding. And I'm thankful that God runs to the prodigals.

2007-04-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

I Feel Like I've Been Using This Word A Lot, But Here's The UPDATE

Hey friends. I feel like the title of every email lately & every post has been Update, so if any of you writers out there could help me think of a new word, that would be awesome :) Anyways, I wanted to post about my Mom's doctor's appointment last week since so many of you have been asking how it went.

She has officially been diagnosed with Stage III C ovarian cancer. I'm not positive what that means, just that it's very advanced Stage III, but has not penetrated her major organs (praise God!). She is going back to the doctor next Friday, and if her body is strong & healing on schedule then she will begin chemo 2 weeks after that. The doctor is wanting her to complete 8 rounds of treatment, but also mentioned that most patients can't get that many in b/c their bodies can't handle the medicine. So he's hoping for her to get 3-6 treatments. A treatment means that she will spend 24 hours at the hospital hooked up to an IV with her chemo medicine. Then she will go home & 6 days later they will do it again. Then they will wait 3 weeks in between rounds. So it's going to be a long hard battle, but we are trusting God with all of this.

According to the doctor, there is a 20-30% chance that she will be "cured" from the chemo--meaning cancer free. He said that most likely the chemo will just keep everything contained & under control. But we are choosing to trust in God & not in statistics. If He chooses to heal her, that is His plan!

We have been so busy lately with our adoption paperwork. They're not kidding when they say it is a TON of work & compare it to pregnancy. We still have so far to go, but things are getting done here & there & we're steadily plowing through. We have been working on this for exactly 3 months today! Matt & I had a really great prayer time last night for our process & our baby & everything involved. We hadn't prayed together in a long time b/c we've been apart so much lately. So it was a really sweet & encouraging time. We decided to make Monday's adoption day in our house & spend the evening after Ava has gone to bed praying together. I'm really excited about this.

I guess that's it for now. I don't have any new pics of Ava b/c my memory card is full & I need to take it to Sam's Club to get pictures made so I can delete the old ones. So hopefully I'll get that done this weekend. Love you all :)

2007-04-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

Prayers For My Mom Today

Hi friends. Please be praying for my Mom & Dad today. They're going to meet with her doctor to get her pathology reports back (showing the extent of the cancer) and setting up their "plan of action" for her treatments. I think that it has been a very emotional day for them, so please keep them in your prayers. My Mom is still having major pain in her stomach....so continue lifting that up. Thanks for your prayers.

I'm home now & trying to get back to "normal" or as my family has been saying, our "new normal". I am worn & so extremely tired. I feel like I'm on benadryl 24/7. Please pray for rest & renewal this weekend. Love you all....

2007-04-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Auntie Em's Creations

Hey friends! Please check out our new website where you can purchase blankets that my sister is making for our adoption. 100% of profits go into our adoption fund. Check out our new website at:

www.auntieemscreations.blogspot.com

2007-04-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

Ava's Walking--Kind Of :)

I wanted to upload this video of Ava walking so I could show my Mom while she's at the hospital. So Mom....enjoy!!

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

2007-04-10T06:51:00.000-07:00

What We Know So Far...

I know that some of you don't get my email updates about my Mom b/c I don't have your email addresses, so I wanted to post the email I sent out the other day. It's too emotional having to retype all of this & put it into words, so I'll just borrow from what I've already written.

Since I wrote this email my Mom is doing ok with her recovery. The doctors had to manipulate her bowels so much during surgery that they haven't started functioning correctly yet. So everything that is going down is coming back up as acid reflux. She will start eating crackers today & they're hoping to remove her IV & start giving her medicine in pill form. So she's not going home today obviously....my guess is Thursday or Friday. Please continue to pray for all of us. Thanks!

hey friends. It has been such a long couple of days. I had planned on writing last night, but was completely drained by the time I got home & had to go straight to bed. I don't even really know where to begin. Thankfully, my Mom came through the surgery fine & she is recovering well. The bad news is that it is definitely cancer & it is very extensive. The doctors were hoping to find that the tumor was contained in her reproductive organs & that the hysterectomy would remove everything. Unfortunately, the tumor was huge & had spread all the way up into her stomach lining & had attached to the outside of her bowels. The removed her appendix b/c it was also covered with the tumor. They had to remove a large section of her stomach lining b/c it was touching the tumor. Thankfully the tumor hadn't penetrated through her bowels, so the insides are still ok. She also suffered a minor bladder injury during the surgery & will have a catheter (sp??) for the next 10 days. This is definitely not the news we were hoping to receive. Boiled down, she has Stage III ovarian cancer. We are beyond grateful that it was not worse than this, but we would have loved to have better news.

The doctor said that she will have to undergo several rounds of chemo & probably numerous future surgeries b/c there are hundreds of microscopic pieces of tumor spread throughout her stomach lining & remaining organs. The doctor said that beyond a miracle of God she will not be "cured" of the cancer, even after undergoing chemo. She will have the cancer until the end of her life. The doctor seems to think that undergoing chemo will, however, keep the cancer under control. He didn't want to go into too much detail about all of that now b/c he wants to focus on getting her through the recovery from surgery.

It has been such an emotional couple of days for my family. We all cried most of the day yesterday & just sat around kind of numb and in shock. We are so thankful that she came through surgery & we still have her with us, but we are afraid of what lies ahead. When we finally got to see my Mom last night we all just held hands & my Mom said "God is good". He is good....His plans for us our good. Even though we don't understand why He is allowing us to walk through this suffering, we do KNOW that He has not forgotten or forsaken us.

2007-04-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

Mom's Surgery Tomorrow

Hey friends. Well, tomorrow my Mom goes for her surgery at 12:15. It has been a difficult couple of weeks for her, so I think she's ready to have it over & done with. They have had to drain her stomach 3 times in the last 2 weeks & yesterday they got 3 liters out. She slept for the first time in 4 nights last night, so today has been a little better for her. She can already feel her stomach filling up again though, so it's good the surgery is tomorrow.

The surgery will include a radical hysterectomy to remove the tumor. They will also remove anything that the tumor is touching, so we still don't know how expansive the surgery will be. They will also scrape her abdominal lining and drain any remaining fluid. They are going to run several tests on all the surrounding lymph nodes to see if any cancer has spread to them. Supposedly women have several lymph nodes around their reproductive organs, so we are praying that the cancer (if there even is any) has not spread there. Here are some things to pray for:

First & foremost, pray for her complete healing....that there is NO CANCER!
For my Mom to sleep really well tonight & to feel rested in the morning. She has been coughing non-stop b/c the fluid is putting pressure on her lungs. So pray for no coughing & LOTS of sleep.

She can't eat or drink anything (water included) after midnight tonight, so pray that she doesn't even desire those things!

Pray for the doctors as they operate. For their wisdom & steady hands. Pray that they are able to remove everything that is or could be cancer. Pray for the tests to be done clearly and carefully. Pray that my family is able to be a godly witness to the doctors & nurses that we come into contact with.

Pray for my sister as she is not able to come from Kentucky for the surgery. We are trying to get her back out here next weekend....so pray for the finances to be there so that she can get a ticket. Pray that she feels the comfort and peace of Christ as she waits for news so far away. It breaks my heart that she can't be here. Pray for her emotions tomorrow.

Pray for my Dad....he is really stressed about everything. Pray that things with his job can be put on hold for a week so that he doesn't even have to worry about anything.

Pray for Matt as he travels here tomorrow. He will be here until MOnday & I am so relieved that he's coming.

Pray for Ava as she is with babysitters (wonderful friends of mine!!) for the next few days. Pray for good naps, no accidents, good eating and a happy baby!

Pray for my Mom's recovery and healing process. She will most likely have to go through several rounds of chemo, so pray for that whole process.

Finally, please pray for me....I'm feeling a lot of pressure to kind of "keep things together". Pray that I can just be honest with my fears & emotions. I have been having extreme back pain & I know it is a direct result of the stress I'm feeling (and carrying Ava around 24/7!!).

Thanks for your prayers. I am trying to remember that God holds tomorrow & all that will happen in His hands. It is out of our control. BUt I also believe that prayer is our most powerful & effective tool to reach the heart of the Father. More than ever I ask for & covet your prayers. Thank you for praying so much already & for your continued support. We all feel the strength of your prayers so strongly right now....you are such faithful friends to me & I love you so very much.

2007-04-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

A Little of Everything

Hey friends. It's been a crazy couple of days & I've been meaning to post for awhile now, and it just hasn't happened. So I'm going to include several things in this one post to make things easier. My Mom is having a pretty rough day today--she is feeling worse by the day & I know she's so ready to have the surgery done & over. She had her stomach drained again last Thursday & it provided relief for a few days, but she's feeling like it's filling up again. She was hoping to not have to have it drained again before the surgery, but it looks like she might have to go back again tomorrow to have it done. She hasn't slept in 4 nights & is having a lot of stomach pain. So please continue praying for her as we still have 3 days to go until surgery. We've had good days & bad days throughout this journey, and we're learning to trust God with both!

Since we needed some laughter & smiles, Emily & I took Ava down to the park the other day while she was still in town. Ava LOVES to swing & we LOVE to watch her. Here are some pictures of that....and hopefully a video (if it works!!).

We are up to our elbows in adoption paperwork. We have begun compiling our dossier to be sent to the El Savadorian government. It is definitely a lot of work & a LOT of money!! So my sweet sweet sister has decided to help us raise some money. She made Ava a ribbon blanket for Christmas & Ava loved it!! So she decided to make more for me to sell & all the money will go towards our adoption. I am so proud of her--she is so artsy! The front of the blankets are made of really soft fleece (either pink or blue). The backs are made of satiny (sp??) fabric. And the ribbons are different colors & textures. I have met so many babies who love these! So I thought I'd try to sell a few on here....just to see if Emily should make more. The pattern/color of ribbons may very, but I've posted pictures below of a girl one & a boy one. If you'd like to buy one for your own baby, or for a gift, just comment me or send me an email: rachelsetliffe@aol.com and I'll get it shipped. We are asking for $15, which includes the price of shipping. Also, if you'd like to special order one, I'm sure Emmy could make something special, with colors, etc... Thanks for looking :)

Front of pink & brown blanket

Back of girl blanket

Front of boy blanket

Back of boy blanket

2007-03-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Update

Sorry it's taken so long for me to post. My sister, Emily, was in town this weekend, so we were trying to soak up family time. Here is where we stand so far:

My Mom will be having surgery next Thursday, April 5, to remove the tumor from her ovaries. Until they open her up they won't be able to figure out what is wrong, so we're just waiting, waiting, waiting. Her oncologist believes it to be cancer--either ovarian or cancer of the lining of her abdominal cavity (can't remember the technical term). However, the nurse practitioner said that there is still hope for it to be benign. Depending on what the tumor is touching (ex--part of her colon), they might have to remove a lot. They will also be scraping the lining of her abdominal cavity hopefully to rid it of any cancer cells.
Her stomach has started to refill with fluid again, and she is in a lot of pain & discomfort again. We have been trying to reach her doctor, hoping to get in tomorrow to drain it again. Please be praying for this...it's the most immediate need. Pray for an appointment to come available & for her to start feeling better....maybe even for the surgery to be moved up.
I have decided to stay here until April 17. I wanted to alleviate some of the stress my Dad is feeling having to be back & forth to Atlanta for his job, so I have decided to stay until a few weeks after her surgery. It is hard to be away from Matt, but he is so supportive of this & we both know that this is where I need to be for now. My parents have graciously bought him a ticket for the 5th-7th so he can come be with us for awhile. We miss him SO much & can't wait to see him.
We have been overwhelmed by all of your prayers, calls, cards, texts & support. Thank you so much for being such sweet friends. This has been beyond difficult for everyone & it is such a comfort knowing that we stand on your prayers.
I'll try to update more today/tomorrow as we try to get in to the hospital.
PLEASE KEEP PRAYING!! thanks :)

2007-03-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

The Next Day

Hey friends. I promised to post updates on here, so I guess I'd better start writing. Do you ever feel like you just need to write? Your thoughts are buzzing around in your head so fast that you can hardly see straight? Writing calms me down & helps me organize my thoughts. So if this seems like rambling to you, I'm sorry....just need to get my thoughts out of my head.
Yesterday was probably the worst day I've lived through in my 27 years so far. The news is not good. The doctor is almost positive that it is cancer--just a question of what kind & where it is, how small it is, etc. I was in the shower when my Dad called, but I jumped out, knowing that it was probably him. So I stood there in a towel, dripping wet, hearing that my world had just flipped upside down. I didn't really know what to do when I hung up except to finish my shower. I think God knew that I needed to be in the middle of something when I heard those words so that I would take the first step in moving forward...in this case, washing my hair. About 45 minutes later as I was feeding Ava lunch, my best friend Erin called & said that she had heard the news & was wondering if she wanted her & Aprile to come over to sit with me & to pray for me. I said no. The pain & sadness was too raw to be around people. I am extremely private with my emotions. I am the queen of putting on "happy masks" when everything is actually falling apart. I hate for people to see me cry & I hate to open up to people when all I want to do is crawl into a hole for at least 2 days. So I said no. And I continued on with my Mommy duties. My parents got home from the hospital & as soon as they got in the door we all cried. And cried. And then we laughed at how silly we probably looked crying.
About 3 hours later there was a knock at the door. It was Aprile & Erin & a bouquet of tulips. We stood on the porch, b/c I didn't want to bring them in to the sadness that lay within the doors. I cried. They cried & then they prayed for me. They prayed that I would be honest with God. They prayed that I would realize that a really great quiet time wouldn't solve things this time. They prayed that I would have peace knowing that it was ok for me to be angry at God. They said, we know you said not to come, but we had to. We are your friends & we are here....whether you want us to be or not. They know me so well. I did want them there--I just didn't realize it. They said that they were claiming Psalm 23 for me & my family & to be honest, that's not the Scripture that I wanted. Because that Scripture talks about the valley of the shadow of death. I don't want to think about that valley. My mind & heart are not ready to go there yet. I was almost hurt when they told me that those were the verses they were praying. Until today that is.
You see this morning, was the day after. Today is the day after we received the bad news. Today we are survivors. Today we are still here & today the sun still came up. I woke up next to Ava in the bed with me b/c she decided to wake up at 6am & I decided that we would not be waking up at 6am. So there she was--looking as sweet as an angel. We got up & walked out of the room to find my parents on the patio, reading the paper. We joined them & sat for awhile. Things felt eerily normal. We chatted about the flowers & the pool that had just been cleaned. We listened as the birds sang. We laughed at Ava as she practiced her new skill--waving--at least 206 times. We watched the dog try to chase a squirrel that was outside of the screen. We ate my Dad's fabulous eggs, sausage & homemade hashbrowns (good-bye weightloss!). We just sat & talked. Then Emily called a little later & we talked about cat food. It was all strange & perfect all at the same time. Are we sad? Yes. Are our emotions raw? Extremely. Are we close to tears at any moment? Yes. Are we confused at God's plans & even a little angry? I know I am. And yet, we had this strange peace & normalcy that was beautiful & sweet.
And that's when it hit me. The focus doesn't have to be on the valley of the shadow of death. It can be on our Shepherd leading us beside streams of quiet waters--for His Names sake. We need to walk beside quiet streams today. There is turmoil & war in our minds. We need stillness. We need nearness to our God. I never really understood that part about "for His Name's sake". But I get it now. It's talking about worship. When we allow our Shepherd to lead us into rest we are worshiping God. His Name receives glory when there is stillness amongst our pain and our anguish. And that makes so much sense to me now. I am not ok. Not yet at least, may never be actually. But I have a quiet peace. I may not be ready for what lies ahead, but I don't have to be. My God is leading me down paths of righteousness towards something good. I have to believe that. There is good at the end of this path & I hope to be much nearer to my Shepherd when I get there.

2007-03-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

On My Way to Florida--Please Be Praying

Hey friends. Most of you have heard by now through my emails, but I got several emails back, so I thought I would post on here too to ask for your prayers. My Mom got the results of her cat scan back on Thursday & they found fluid in her stomach & "something" (don't know what yet) in her reproductive organs or abdominal cavity. She has been in a lot of pain & discomfort & on Friday was having a hard time breathing. So she spent the day at the cancer hospital's emergency clinic. They sent her home b/c all the oncologists had already gone home for the weekend. So, she's been on the phone all morning trying to get an appointment set up & finally got one for Wednesday. My sister Emily & I are flying down there to be with her & to love on her & my Dad as we wait for word about what's wrong. We're hoping this is all resulting from an infection or something from her previous surgery & not more cancer. Please be praying for my family & the doctors during this time. I'll keep you updated as we learn things. Thanks for praying!

Ava & her Grammy

2007-03-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

Our Month in Bullet Points

Our computers are in the process of dying, so I've had the craziest time trying to post on here & ending up just giving up. Thankfully our laptop decided to be nice to me today so I'm scrambling trying to post a bunch of stuff. Here are the random details of our last month. Enjoy :)

Ava turned 1!! See the 2 posts below.

We have all been sick. Ava & I more than once. There is nothing worse than having a sick kiddo. Except maybe also having a sick husband. Oh yeah, and being sick yourself. NOT FUN!

We bought Ava a new forward-facing car seat & she LOVES it!! She loves kicking her legs & staring out at the world around her. I love it b/c I can feed her cheerios w/o throwing my shoulders out of socket :)

As of today our adoption is moving forward!!!! Yeah!! Matt went to NC this weekend to speak & we got just enough money from that to make our initial payment & pay our governement USCIS (I think that's what it's called) fee & fingerprinting fees. So we'll send that money off tomorrow along with our Agreement w/ AWAA & once they receive that we can set up the beginning meeting with a social worker for our homestudy. I can't tell you how happy I am to be moving ahead.

We have been working on building a working budget for our finances using materials from Crown Financial Ministries. It has been hard. But good.

We are brainstorming ways to raise money for our adoption. That is really the only thing keeping us back at this point. Please join us in praying that God provides every penny that we need. I have been a little stessed about this whole issue as of late. It has taken us a whole month just to come up with the initial payment & we still have so much to raise. The amount we need seems so HUGE but I have to (DAILY!!) remind myself that my God is HUGER!! ps--do you like my word of the day??

I have had 2 completely lazy days where I stayed in my pjs, played with Ava &amp; watch tv all day. Oh yeah, & I ate cool whip out of the container. It felt wonderful & horrible all at the same time.

Matt shared his testimony with the students to kick off a new series that they are doing on Sunday mornings called Story. It was stinkin' awesome :)

We took a mini trip to New Braunfels with the other youth staff & their families so that the boys could calendar the next year & begin planning camp. My friend Glenna & I intended to scrapbook (but didn't), shopped at the outlet malls in San Marcos (which was fantabulous!!), took naps & ate lots of kolaches & donuts. We also stayed in our pjs all day which was fun & I guess takes my total up to 4 days in jammies this month.

Ava went for her 1 year checkup. She weighed 19lbs 13oz & was 30inches long. She's in the 75% for height & the 40% for weight. So basically she has the body of a supermodel.

My friend Jamie sent me an actual letter in the mail & it made me feel so special & loved. It made me want to be better at sending people real-life letters more often. So I have started by, oh wait.....I haven't sent any yet. But I'm working on it!
I have lost 20 pounds. 10-12 more to go. Yeah!!

I turned 27, Ava turned one, Matt turned 27. Happy Birthday to us!

I have been greatly convicted & encouraged by the lives of John & Betty Stam who were missionaries to China in the 30's. I read about them in the Voice Of The Martyrs monthly newsletter. They were martyred for their faith & left behind a 3-month-old daughter when they were killed. When Betty was just 18 she wrote these words. Just a few years later she was murdered for her faith in God.

Lord, I give up all of my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt. And work out Thy whole will in my life, AT ANY COST, now and forever.

I finished my Bible study on For Women Only & am starting a new one on the book of Philipians next Tuesday morning.

Ava no longer says "kitty" when she sees Oliver. She's switched to the more grown up version of "cat". It is pretty funny. Matt thinks she's saying "gat" and that it's short for
"gato" which is cat in spanish. So of course he just assumes that she's a genius.

I think that's it. Love you all & enjoy your day!!

Oh wait--I wanted to show you a couple of pictures that I took that are OH SO CUTE :) Enjoy!!

2007-03-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Ava's Birthday Videos

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2007-03-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

Happy (LATE!!) Birthday Ava!!

Hey friends :) Our computers are all on their last leg & one of them crashed a couple of days ago. I've been trying to get online to post pictures of Ava for 3 weeks now!! So sorry that this is so late, but better late than never I guess! We had such a sweet time with Ava on her b-day (Feb. 26) with a couple of friends. We decided not to have a huge party b/c we wanted to save money to get family pictures done by our good friend Glenna and b/c the last thing that Ava needs is MORE TOYS!! So we decided to just have a quiet dinner & I made her a cake to dig into. It was fun.
We can hardly believe that Ava is already one! Her life has brought us complete joy. She keeps us laughing & she keeps us on our knees! We love you baby (or I guess, big girl!!) Ava Marie :)

Waiting for cake

digging in--she didn't get much messier than this--she's so girly!!

gettin some Daddy love!

our little happy family!

2007-02-14T19:15:00.000-08:00

Love

Well, today being the cheesy, sappy over-commercialized Day-O-Love, I thought I would pause and reflect about the 2 sweetest loves in my life. My Matt & my Ava. These loves are not cheesy, nor are the sappy, and we're too poor for them to be over-commercialized! I am so unbelievably, utterly grateful for these lives that God has allowed to melt into mine.

My husband and I have had quite the story. We met on the first day of class at Lee University in August of 1998. We sat across the room from each other in New Testament class but somehow we each noticed each other. I noticed his bleach blond hair (actually cool back then!!) and thought he might even be in a band (not even close on that one :) He noticed my flip flops b/c he had never seen someone wearing flip flops with jeans. I shared a prayer request for a friend with crohn's & he came up to me after class & nervously blurted out "I have crohns" and then he walked away--flustered and embarrassed. I walked away and thought, that was the cutest boy I've ever seen. The rest as they say is history. We were inseparable friends for a year, hated each other for 4 months, dated for 2 years, engaged for one very LLLOOOONNNNGGGG year. And then on June 28, 2002 I married that cute boy & he has changed my life forever. I love him more than I love anything else in this whole world. I will love him until the day I die. The way that he loves me & is patient with my crazy self is unreal. I can't wait to spend the rest of my days with my Matt. I love you baby!

Ava has the most tender place in my heart. There is something about a Mother's love for her child that you really just can't explain until you hold your baby for the first time. I never really felt bonded with Ava when she was in my womb. I loved her, of course. But I never experienced those feelings that some pregnant women talk about--feelings of already intimately knowing their baby & feeling this deep soul connection with them. I think it all boiled down to me being afraid that something would happen to her & if I was overly connected I might not be able to survive if something did happen. So I loved her, but cautiously. But when she arrived into this world & Matt carried her over to me & I looked at her perfect, beautiful face I was absolutely overwhelmed with the deepest love I could ever experience. It all just clicked. She was mine & I was hers. This fierce protective force was birthed in me that day & I know that I will spend the rest of my life praying for, hoping, dreaming, loving and protecting this sweet little life. That first month was the hardest time of my life & it took time for us to figure each other out, but I remember the day where everything had kind of settled down & we were learning each other. It was the sweetest experience for me. Love takes time--even with the ones we love the fastest & hardest.

Thank you Father for loving me so much that you sent your Son to die on a cross for me so that I could experience the greatest love of all time--Yours. And through your love for me you have opened the door for me to experience just a glimpse of that perfect love through my relationships with Matt & Ava. Thank you for loving me first. Thank you for loving me last. Thank you for loving me forever.

The day it all started.....

My favorite picture of us

Meeting Ava for the first time

Joy

2007-02-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

Good News

We got an email yesterday that AWAA accepted our financial statement & have officially approved us for adoption. We are really excited to be on our way. The intake coordinator said that they have mailed our official packet of dossier documents and we should be receiving them in 7-10 days. At that point we have to fill out some agreements & send in our initial payment (no word yet on how much that is....). Once they've received those things we will begin our homestudy & our dossier (paperwork).

I talked to Matt on the phone last night & it was such a sweet conversation. We are so joyful about this adoption. We have no idea where all the money is going to come from or how we'll get through all of the details, but we have such a peace knowing that this is exactly where God wants our family to be. We've been looking into/praying/talking about adoption since we met. But we never knew where we'd adopt from. El Salvador is such a perfect fit for us! We're too young for China. Too poor for Russia. Not married long enough for Haiti. Not sure enough about the processes with African countries yet. Too poor for Guatamala. This is just the perfect fit!! I'm trying to get my hands on everything El Salvador out there w/o a whole lot of luck. Most things are about travel to the country. But I guess that would be better than nothing! I was looking at an adoption website yesterday & saw that Mary Beth Chapman (Steven Curtis Chapman's wife) just recently traveled to El Salvador to meet with the government--they're really trying to simplify the process & bring in more American families. There were a few pictures on there of older kids in the orphanges. They were the most BEAUTIFUL kids. I can't wait to learn more about this country & eventually travel there to get our baby! Matt & I really want to bring our baby's culture into our home & eventually travel to their homelands. So exciting!! I have such a love & respect of hispanic culture.

Below are some pictures of El Salvador that our family coordinator Christi took on a recent trip. I have joined an online group of other AWAA families adopting from El Salvador. It's been really awesome emailing with them & realizing that we're not alone in this long process. Anyways, here are a few pictures from that website.

the orphanage (I'm guessing where our baby will be???)

Another pic of the orphanage

And another....

I'm guessing this is Christi--with a boy at the orphanage--isn't he cute??

A Catholic church in town

The coast...so beautiful!

I think this is San Salvador??

the beach...I wish I was there now!! It's so peaceful looking!

2007-02-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

BooWaah

This is what Ava calls her books. As soon as we hand her one or she sees one she starts saying "boowaah, boowaah, boowaah" over & over. It's pretty funny. But she LOVES to read (especially when her books are upside down!)

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2007-02-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yes--She Is A Genius :)

Ava just learned how to push the button on this toy & make the music play. Is she smart or what?? Ha ha! And she LOVES to dance when she hears the music. She gets more fun every day....I love all her little discoveries! Enjoy!

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2007-02-07T12:44:00.000-08:00

Bath Time Fun

While most kids splash around & have a crazy time in the tub, here's what our delicate little lady does. She is so quirky :)

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2007-02-07T12:42:00.000-08:00

Reading Her Book

Here's Ava reading her book about Grover. She gets so serious when she's reading & she usually crosses her leg like this--which of course cracks us up!!

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2007-02-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

Pictures

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks. Ava has been good medicine for her Grammy! I'm hoping to get some videos up soon too, so stay tuned :)

2007-02-01T11:57:00.000-08:00

Orphans

I saw this on my friend Jamie's blog. It really hit a chord with me. I couldn't not share this.....

There are 143 million orphans in the world. If only 7% of believers adopted one, there would be none.

How does this make you feel?

2007-02-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

You think you know me?

Compliments of Virginia

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Administrative Assistant at a church
2. Nanny
3. Teacher at after-school program
4. Stay-at-home mommy (my personal favorite)

Movies I would watch over and over:
5. Elizabethtown
6. Pride & Prejudice (the 6 hour BBC miniseries)
7. Father of the Bride
8. The Notebook

Four places you have lived:
9. 3 cities in Michigan (Flint, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids)
10. Valrico, FL
11. 2 cities in Tennessee (Cleveland & Murfreesboro)
12. 2 cities in North Carolina (Wake Forest & Raleigh)
** and 1 city in Texas twice (Houston)
****ok, that's a few more than 4, but I've moved a lot!!

Four places you have been on vacation:
13. Devils Lake, MI
14. Monterey & San Francisco, CA
15. Savannah, GA
16. Highlands, NC

Four of my favorite foods are:
17. Soup of any kind--especially in a bread bowl
18. French fries
19. Hot dogs on the grill
20. Hamburgers on the grill

Four places I would rather be right now:
21. with Matt in Highlands, NC--at our favorite place in the world the Main Street Inn
22. in Stars Hollow hanging out with my sister & the Gilmore Girls
23. eating creamy jalapeno & chips at Chuys
24. in a huge comfy chair with a big fuzzy blanket reading a really great book with NO interruptions from the baby & no house to be cleaning

Four friends I think will respond:
25. Jamie
26. Ginger
27. Susanna
28.YOU!
copy and paste on your own blog. delete my answers and insert your own. have fun!

2007-01-29T18:47:00.000-08:00

Hello Blogging World....I've missed You!

Hi friends! Well, I still haven't figured out why I can't post blogs on my home computer, but I'm in FL now, on my Mom's computer, so I can finally post some updates. It's been such a long time & I have so much to write, so I'm just going to do the bullet point version. And I'm sure I'll forget half of it, but all well....here goes.

Christmas was oh so fun & very special. My whole family made it to FL & we all got to celebrate Ava's 1st Christmas. Everyone was so generous to her....but of course her favorite things were the boxes and wrapping paper. There are some pictures below.
I got a new camera for Christmas & I'm so excited about it. I've taken about 150 pictures so I need to sort through them & post some while I'm here.
Ava started crawling!! She started moving on new years day. It's funny--I wanted her to crawl so badly for so long & now all I want is for her to sit still for 20 seconds :)
Ava got her 2 front teeth for Christmas. Her second top front tooth came through on Christmas morning.
We all had the stomach flu really bad last week. It was NOT FUN! Matt even spent a few hours in the emergency room getting re hydrated with an IV. But we all survived & lived to tell about it :)
The hardest news has been my Mom's breast cancer. She had a mastectomy & reconstruction done last Monday. Thankfully my schedule allowed me to spend some time here helping my Mom as she recovers. I'll be here until Feb. 13. She is doing really well & gets stronger every day. And praise God--the cancer is GONE!!
The best & most joyful news is that we got word back from America World that we've been accepted into their El Salvador program. YEAH!!!!!!! So we're starting the "paper pregnancy" and we're on our way to our baby. I am so thrilled with this news...it's the greatest news I've gotten since finding out that we were pregnant with Ava.
2 of my friends are pregnant!! And I'm hoping that 2 more get pregnant really soon!!
I've learned that keeping socks on the feet of an 11 month old is an exercise in futility.
Speaking of an 11 month old....Ava turned 11 months on Friday. Where has the time gone?? At this time last year I was HUGE & spent my days reading on the couch. Now I would pay $300 to have a day to spend wasting away reading on the couch.
I think we're going to have a book party for Ava's b-day. She LOVES books (just like her Mama!!) so I think we're going to have everyone bring their favorite book to add to her library. Books are the only "toys" that I'll never care if Ava has too many of.
I have realized what special & dear friends I have during the last few weeks as they have prayed & encouraged my family. I love them so much & pray that I am half the friend to them as they've been to me.
I am reading 3 books at the moment: James & The Giant Peach, Ella Enchanted & Successful Adoption. All so good!!
I started back to my Tuesday morning Bible study last week. We're going through Shaunti Fredhahn's "For Women Only". It has been SO GOOD & SO CONVICTING!!! Every married woman should go through this study. I am learning so much & am having to repent of so much too. This past week we went through Phil. 4:8-9 (whatever is true, whatever is noble, etc...) and had to list things about our husbands that line up with those words. It was such a great reminder to me of what an incredible husband I have. I love him SO MUCH!!
I am still addicted to diet dr. pepper
I've realized that I want to live 5 doors down from my sister & see her every day
That's all for now....I'm off to bed. Love you all & hope to see you in cyberspace soon :)

Oh so happy :)

On Christmas morning

eying her tower before she knocks it down & laughs like crazy!

Ava with her Auntie Em

2007-01-18T20:58:00.000-08:00

Anyone else having problems??

I don't know what the deal is with my blog, but I'm having so many problems with it. I keep trying to put up new posts & post pictures & it's not letting me. So...thanks for your patience as I keep working on it!! I am still here & have so much to write about. I'll hopefully see you in the blogosphere soon :)

ps...if this posts it will be a miracle!!

2006-12-12T08:44:00.000-08:00

Thoughts About Christmas...

Hey friends. Matt has been teaching a series on Sunday mornings called Incarnate about the man-ness and God-ness of Jesus. It has been awesome, but it has created a lot of questions in my head. I'd love to hear your thoughts....

Was Jesus in communion/communication with His Father while he was in Mary's womb? We can't remember being in the womb, but God created the womb that Jesus grew in...so Jesus obviously remembers those months...what must that have been like?
As a baby, Jesus as a man did not have language capability, but in His mind and heart, was He speaking with the Father?
What was that moment like when Jesus was birthed into our cold & sinful world. Was His mind already on the cross?
Would I have responded like Mary if I had been chosen to be the mother of Jesus (probably not). What can I learn from her this year?
Did the angels sing Glory in the highest & peace on earth....if so, what did that sound like?
What must the shepherds have been feeling...being chosen to be the very first in humanity to hear about the arrival of our Immanuel?
I love that Jesus' birth was so humble b/c we can identify with Him. If he came as a king or with lots of pomp and royalty, we could not identify with him. It's truly amazing how beautiful a manger has become.
Did Mary struggle with insecurities in her parenting of the Great I AM??
Did Mary know that her Son would give His life to forgive her sins?

So many questions....lots to think about. Love you all :)

2006-12-06T11:08:00.000-08:00

Dancing with dc talk

Ava LOVES the song Jesus Freak (that song takes me back to 10th grade like nothing else!!). Here she is dancing in her jumpin' johnny to the song. And for those of you who haven't heard her growling sounds....enjoy :)

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2006-12-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving Pics from Carol

Here are some pictures that my Mother in Law, Carol, took over Thanksgiving week. Enjoy :)

Playing with Uncle Jimmy

Jimmy's trying to convert her to baseball loving

Is she flipping off the camera? Ha ha!

With the cousins--River, Sam & Desert

This face cracks me up--she does this all the time

Such pretty eyes

Yeah for turkey

We saw snow!!

can't think of a witty caption for this one :)

Driving Molly crazy

2006-12-05T15:18:00.000-08:00

Yes...my middle name really is "sucker for stupid surveys" :)

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate...who drinks hot scrambled eggs in liquid form?

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa always wraps the gifts.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
we like the white ones. and we're too lazy to hang lights outside :)

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
any excuse to kiss my cute husband--I'm there!!

5. When do you put your decorations up?
As soon as we get back from visiting family for Thanksgiving

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
My Dad's stuffing

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
staying up all night with my sissy writing our very own christmas carols to wake up mom & dad in the morning

8. Do you open a gift on Christas Eve?
no--my parents didn't fall for that one :)

9. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
white lights & then ornaments that my mom bought me each year. it's very nostalgic to hang all the ornaments--they all have a story.

10. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
miss it some days--it was so fun being a kid in the snow..so many memories!! do you think Ava will have memories like mine?? ha ha!

11. Can you ice skate?
i choose not to

12. Do you remember your favorite gift?
i don't remember most of the gifts I've gotten but I remember a lot that I've given--funny how that works :)

13. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Being with my family

14. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
my Mom's toffee--we wait all year for it & then eat ourselves silly & gain 10 pounds

15. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
too many to count....I love my Dad reading the Christmas story out of Luke first thing on Christmas morning...I love opening the stockings....looking at lights in different neighborhoods....the Christmas Eve service at my home church--especially when it's over & everyone seems so peaceful & friendly--everyone seems to linger a little longer than usual....waking up next to Matt :)

16. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
I LOVE giving presents--it's my favorite thing to do--ever!!

17. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

18. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum??
I like them--especially making them really pointy & then poking my sister :)

19. What tops your Christmas tree?
An angel my Mom bought me when I got married

2006-12-04T18:07:00.000-08:00

Sick. Sick. Sick

I'm sick, Ava's sick, even the cat is sick. Yuck.

2006-11-28T16:23:00.000-08:00

Ramblings

Hey friends. It's been so long since the last time I wrote & I feel like there's way too much to write & way too little time to write it, so here's my attempt to empty my brain of the last few weeks.

Matt went to the doctor to get our letter for our adoption agency & I'm picking it up tomorrow. I so desperately want to be accepted into the El Salvador program & am hoping that we can get the letter to A.W. & get approved & get moving. I'd love to be moving forward on our adoption before Christmas.
I wanted to write a list of things I'm thankful for for Thanksgiving, but ran out of time. There is so much that I am thankful for this year. I praise God for my husband & my Ava. And 10,000 other things.
Ava turned 9 months old on Sunday. I didn't take one picture. Hopefully I'll get some taken this weekend & write the date as Sunday, November 26th & 10 years from now no one will remember that I was a putz mom & didn't take pictures on her month-day.
Speaking of....Ava has now been out of the womb as long as she was in the womb. Why did the in the womb part seem so much longer?
I saw snow in Tennessee over Thanksgiving.
My Mom had another biopsy today for a lump in her breast. I reacted much differently than I have in the past when this has happened. For the first time I felt very out of control & very scared. I cried & I prayed. Now we have to wait a whole week to find out if the lump was malignant or not. I don't know if a week has ever felt so long. Mom--I love you.
Matt is the hardest working man I know & sometimes I hate that I resent him for that. He is doing such an unbelievably great job with the students. I am so proud of him. But sometimes I miss the days when he wasn't working at Sagemont. I saw much more of him. God, please help me to be Matt's helpmate during these stressful weeks.
There has been a lot of death around me lately. A friend's beloved Grampy. My next door neighbor's unborn child. A student's dad who committed suicide. I think when death seems a little closer it makes me frustrated that I even think like I did in the above point. Why don't I overlook more things with Matt? Why am I so hard on him. Why don't I just love & appreciate the time I do have with him more. It's funny how I've been married for almost 5 years & still feel like such an inadequate wife.
I've been painting my kitchen a gold color. Some minutes I love it & some minutes I hate it. I guess that's the woman in me coming out.
I wish I could pay somebody to finish painting my kitchen.
We are hosting like 100 people at our house next Friday for a progressive Christmas party. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it. I HATE hosting people at my house. There is nothing at all that makes me more nervous than having people over. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.
We are painting our kitchen b/c I'm freaked out about having people over to our house.
I have another Christmas party on Monday night & it is formal dress. What the heck does that mean?
My Mom is making Ava a stocking for Christmas & I can't wait to see it!!
We still haven't decorated our house for Christmas. I've never been so late in getting to it. I don't even know where to buy trees around here.
I have watched Elf 7 times in the past 2 weeks.
Ava has not started crawling yet. When I put her on her belly, she buries her face in the rug & acts bored & aggravated.
But...she has said her first word!! (kind of!) Whenever our cat comes in the room she goes: "keeeeyyyy!!!" (AKA: kitty) It is SO CUTE! And I love that that's her first word b/c it was mine too.
I have become addicted to diet dr. pepper.
I have really been struggling with having a quiet time lately. I feel so out of the Word. And when I get like that it seems very hard to get back in to it. So please pray for my time with God over the next few weeks.
I can't wait to see The Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith and The Nativity Story. And I can't wait to get a babysitter to go see those movies.
I'm going home for Christmas & I am unbelievably happy about that. I miss my family like crazy.
I lost 11 pounds. And then I gained 3. I then I lost 2. So I think I've lost 10 pounds. I have 20 more to go to win our family weight loss challenge. Deadline: 2-26-07--Ava's 1st b-day.
I think that's it.

2006-11-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

National Adoption Month

Hey friends! November is National Adoption month & November 18 is National Adoption Day. The UN has just declared that there are 143 million orphans in the world!!! I found this new website & some cool ideas that I thought I'd share with you. Also, all week Focus On The Family's radio broadcast is all about adoption. You can go here to find their broadcast schedule. Matt goes to the doctor on Thursday to get his note from the doctor about his Crohn's. So...we'll fax it on Friday & then wait to hear if we're in the program. Please keep praying for God's favor in all of this!! Love you all. Here's what I found on www.voiceoftheorphan.org

What You or Your Family Can Do To care for orphans and waiting children

Pray for Them. Go online to find a waiting-child listing (AdoptUsKids or Rainbow Kids).

Print out a picture and description of a waiting child and tape it to your dashboard, refrigerator or bathroom mirror. Every time you find yourself waiting – in traffic, walking through the kitchen, looking in the mirror – pray for this child. Plead with the Father on their behalf.

Want a change of pace for the dinner hour? This simple one-page guide will help your family explore what life must be like for the most vulnerable of our world.

Speak Up For Them. Keep a picture of a waiting child in your wallet or purse. When you are visiting with other believers pull it out and ask if they, or someone they know, would give this child a home. Be their advocate.

Become a Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA). CASA volunteers are trained citizens appointed by judges to represent the best interests of abused and neglected children. These are people who volunteer their time to get to know a child in foster care and speak to the court on their behalf. Visit National CASA for more details and to find an office near you.

Mentor Vulnerable Children. The ranks of the fatherless and even the motherless continue on an upward spiral as the breakdown of the family continues unabated and births to unwed mothers increases. Mentoring offers an opportunity to help to break this cycle by providing a Godly role model and friend to a foster or otherwise vulnerable child. Learn more about mentoring and how you can make a difference to these children.

Support Those Who Support Them. Mow a foster parents yard, offer to baby sit, or organize a few days worth of meals when a new child is placed in their home. And tell them often that you appreciate what they do.

Throw a shower for a family adopting an older child. Often showers aren’t thought of for adoptive families especially when the adoption involves an older child. This greatly encourages adoptive families.

Sponsor a local child welfare social worker and commit to pray for them, an occasional lunch on you, and sending gifts or notes of encouragement

Make One Phone Call. What do you need? How many times do you think people call up a government office and say that! Waiting Children exist right in your community. Call up your community’s Child Welfare Services office and ask the simple question … “What can we do to help foster children in our community?” When youth turn 18 in the U.S. foster-care system, they are often left to fend for themselves. Over 20,000 teenagers a year “age out” of the U.S. foster care system with no place to call home. Call your local foster care office and let them know you have the desire to be a support for a child who is aging out of foster care.
Download a Contact Information file to learn how you can ask this simple question – What can we do to help?”

Give Sacrificially to Them. Support reputable orphan care organizations on an ongoing basis.

Give financially to a family in the process of adoption. See Shaohannah's Hope and Life International for more information about financial assistance for adoptive families.

Sponsor an Orphan or an Entire Orphanage. Make a difference in a single child or an entire orphanage full of children through active child sponsorships. Or make it a family project to sponsor a single child or an entire orphanage. Write to them or encourage your children to write notes of encouragement to your sponsored children and hear first hand what its like to be an orphan who is being cared by the love of Jesus Christ. Visit the following websites for more information about sponsoring orphaned children in a program that provides for on site staff who are proclaiming the Gospel and providing ongoing discipleship:Children's HopeChest VisionTrust InternationalLife International

Build an Orphanage. Did you know that your can be involved in building a home for orphans where the children will grow up in a church environment? It’s not as hard as it sounds. Visit World Orphans to learn how to do this in one of dozens of countries. Consider raising this money as a small group, Sunday school class, or youth ministry.

Take a Short-Term Mission Trip. We don’t care where you go, whether it’s the far reaches of the planet or right in your own backyard. Go where you are already invested, go to new places the Lord sends you, but go and experience the face of God through orphans in our world.Visit the following Web sites for more information about short term mission opportunities:
Buckner Orphan CareGlobal Aid NetworkWarm Blankets

Children's HopeChestVisionTrust International

Provide Them a Safe Home. Explore what it would take to become a foster parent in your local community. Your county’s child welfare office is looking for safe and loving homes to place children who must be removed from their current home. Do you have an empty bedroom that could be put to great use for a child in need? What are you waiting for! Contact your county’s child welfare office to find out about upcoming information meetings in your area.

Give Them a Forever Family — Adopt a Child Waiting…There are thousands of children waiting for a forever family. Waiting to experience God’s unfailing love and hear the message of hope found in Jesus Christ. You can make a eternal difference in God’s kingdom. You can give a child a home through foster care, domestic or international adoption. Caring families are especially needed for older youth, sibling groups and special needs children. Do you have a place in your heart, an empty bedroom in your home, and an empty seat in the minivan that could be put to great use for God’s kingdom?
To learn more about the three types of adoption call 1-800-FLTODAY to order a free booklet entitled Welcome Home: Eight Steps to Adoption.
You can also download it here. (Approx. 1.4MB PDF)
Explore other information and identify key adoption agencies at Hope for Orphans.

Launch an Orphans Ministry in Your Church. God is moving in churches throughout the country to care for and to protect a group of people very close to his heart: the orphan. Explore the amazing things God has done in churches who were faithful to respond to God’s heart by establishing an orphans ministry in their local body.
To learn more about starting an Orphans Care Ministry in your church explore the following links:Hope for OrphansShaohannah's Hope

2006-11-09T06:57:00.000-08:00

We Need Your Prayers

Hey friends. We've had such a crazy awful week & we really need your prayers. Tuesday afternoon Matt was in a pretty bad car accident. He was turning left out of the church parking lot & didn't think anyone was coming. The lady that hit him was going 20 mph over the speed limit & was drinking. Thank God she hit the front of the car & not his door. He is ok--just really banged up. He has a bump on the back of his head & one on the front (we're guessing he hit the door & the mirror??) and his legs are badly bruised. They did a cat scan & it all came back clear--no bleeding on his brain & no concussion. It makes me sick to even think what could have happened if he moved just a millisecond sooner or something. I have been overwhelmed by God's peace through all of this & I have taken comfort in the fact that God is our Protector. Matt's life is in His hands & He is in control. I'm just so thankful that God chose to keep Matt around for awhile. I'm not even letting my mind go there...
Please pray for us today as we go to the wrecker yard to check out our car. Our insurance is going to look at it today or tomorrow to see if it's salvagable or should just be totaled. Pray for our finances during this time & pray that if we have to buy a new car that God would provide one that would keep us from going further into debt. Pray for Matt as he takes time off to rest & heal. And please pray for our family. I don't want to get all kooky (sp??) but I really feel like we are under spiritual attack. This is Matt's 2nd accident since we've been here. He slipped & gashed his head last week. Ava has been sick. I woke up sick yesterday & feel even worse today. I got shocked last week....we're just running into a lot of physical problems. Please pray for us during this time that we would fall under God's hand of protection. Pray for strength to trust Him during these days.
We finally heard from America World yesterday. No answers yet, but they want Matt to get a letter from a doctor about his crohn's disease & how that would affect his ability to parent. Please pray for us as we search for a doctor & try to get in quickly to see them. We can't move forward until this is done, so we'd really like to have something to A.W. by next week. Thanks for praying for us. Love you guys!!

2006-11-05T16:55:00.000-08:00

Recipes

My friend Virginia posted about a website that her family uses a lot to find recipes. There are tons of recipes on this site that sound really good & are really healthy. And most of the recipes only have 5-7 ingredients & just take a couple of steps to prepare--perfect!! And the writer puts the point values for weight watchers, which is pretty cool. So check it out: www.cinnamondots.blogspot.com