The Setliffe Family

My Mom....

Hey friends :) Last night I was lying in bed, totally unable to fall asleep b/c I'd been coughing like a woman who had been smoking for 127 years and my mind started to wander. Do you ever have those nights--where you start to think about things and that leads you to think about other things and then all of a sudden you find yourself in a place that you hadn't thought about in awhile? Well, that was me last night. I was laying there listening to Ava's sound machine through her monitor, thinking about how much I love being a Mommy. I mean, I really really love it. I have found so much joy in that child--I can't even put it into words. She makes me want to be such a better woman. Such a better Christ follower. And that made me think of my mom. I get it now. I get her love for me. I get her joy and I get her huge dreams for me. I get her frustration when I do stupid things. I get her pride when I actually, finally get something right. I get why she was willing to give up everything & anything she ever wanted to pour herself into me and Emily. I get the intense love, the fierce protection, the hope for an amazing future. It's amazing how clearly I get it now.
So I was lying there feeling a little scared (like I usually am when I'm alone, even though I try to act like I'm not!!) The last 2 months that we've been here I've put Ava in the pack-n-play in my room when Matt's been out of town. I like her to be close to me & I like to listen to her breathe. And somehow in the back of my brain I feel like she's going to protect me & that I'm protecting her. Silly, I know, but somehow I justify it every time. Well, Friday night I put her in the pack-n-play & she flipped out. She did NOT want to be in there, so I put her in bed with me. What followed was the worst sleep either one of us has probably ever had. We were both sick & coughing & we kept each other up all night. So anyways, last night I realized that we would all sleep better if we slept in our own beds. So I layed Ava in her bed & went to mine & tryed to sleep. But there I lay--scared. Why is my brain so active, so imaginative? Every sound made me a little more nervous.
And as I lay there I came to the place that I described at the beginning of this post. Thinking--mostly about my mom. You see, my mom knew exactly what to do when I got scared. She used to cover me with Scripture. She prayed for me before bedtime & prayed Scripture over me. And then she got really creative--she wrote out Psalm 91 on a notecard & put it in the pocket of my stuffed bunny. And I held it all night long. I found comfort in those words. They caused me to sleep in peace. So last night, as I lay there wide awake, I decided to turn on the light & turn to Psalm 91 yet again. Seems like every time Matt goes out of town I go to Psalm 91. And here is what I read:

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I am trusting in Him. For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with His wings. He will shelter you with His feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For He orders His angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation." (Psalm 91)

Those words bring so much peace to my soul. It reminded me that God is near & that He is protecting me and Ava as we sleep. It reminded me that my Mom was/is a great mom. She just knew that it was only God's Word that would comfort me. It reminded me of all the lessons she has taught me. And most of all it reminded me that I want to be that kind of mom to Ava. A mom that takes her kids to Scripture for all things. I want Ava to find comfort in Psalm 91. I want her to get her identity from Psalm 139. I want her to cling to Lamentations 3: 22-23 when she is stuggling (His mercies are new every morning--great is His faithfulness!) I want her to love Romans and Hebrews. I want her to devour James & Genesis. I want her to love God and His Word more than I want anything else in life.
So thank you mom--for all that you have taught me. For taking me to Scripture. For being my role model. I want to be a Mom like you. I want Ava to look at me the way I look at you--as my hero. I love you!