skip to main |
skip to sidebar
The Girls Are Back in Town
I am so excited. I mean really really really excited. Gilmore Girls season 7 starts in 40 minutes!! I have been waiting for this day for MONTHS!!! I know, I'm totally obsessed & I don't need a lecture about how tv rots your brain. Tonight, and every Tuesday at 7:00pm I don't care. Life is good :) 
God's Ways vs. Our WaysHey friends. I was doing my bible study this morning for my ladies group that I'm in. The study is not so great (Power of a Praying Woman) but it has been so good for me to be back in God's Word on a more consistent basis. I have been reminded how desperately I need accountability in my life. Ever since having Ava I feel like the worst Christ-follower in the world. Why is it so hard for me to have a quiet time now? I have been so humbled through this season of my life. I feel like I am so apart. Does that make sense? I don't even know if that's the word I'm looking for, but I feel like I'm never put together. So whatever the opposite of that is, that's what I am. My house is never clean. My laundry is never done. My hair has been up in a ponytail for about 5 weeks now. My car is a mess. My communication with Matt has not been at it's highest point. My walk with God is so-so. I am half-way through 3 books. My jeans are too tight. Have you ever been there? I just feel like everything in my life is disjointed--not where it should be. Not under strict discipline & control. I guess I'm just feeling very out of control since I've become a mom. Everyone tells you (to the point that you're utterly annoyed!!) that "everything is going to change when you have kids". Oh my gosh--I heard that so much it made me want to vomit every time I heard it. But now I want to go back to those people and say (well, scream really) "why didn't you tell me that 'everything' really meant 'EVERYTHING!!" I just don't really like who I've become since I've been a mom. I think I'm a pretty good mom--I just feel like everything else has fallen by the wayside & I really hate that. I feel like now, I need to pick up all the pieces of my new life & start over. I need a makeover in every sense of the word. On every area of my life. I need to overhaul every other area besides mommyhood. QUestion to you other mommies out there--have you been at this point? And if you have....how long did it take you to recover? I think I just need to come to grips with my new reality & MOVE ON! I read in my bible this morning a verse that I've read 10,000 times--"My ways are not your ways, neither are My thoughts your thoughts" (excuse the paraphrase--my bible's upstairs!). I was reminded yet again that God does things differently than we do. His plans for me are not my plans for me. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. They are BIGGER. And I have to tell you, I felt so much peace in that today. I was reminded that God is big. Yeah, I know I learned that when I was 4, but I needed to learn it again. God is big. I am small. I have major issues. I am messed up. But God is in control. My life--all of it's chaos & disorganization--is in His hands. I am under His control. His Spirit dwells within me & because of that all things are possible. I am feeling very small & very weak lately. But that is ok b/c when I'm weak God can be strong for me. So in the meantime, please pray for me--I am undone. I need to be fixed (roll coldplay's Fix You in the background :) And thanks for letting me vent. And thanks for any tips you other mommies may have. Or non-mommies :) Basically thanks for being my friends. God has put each of you in my life & you keep me together. I love you all--I really do. Thank you for your ears that listen & your hearts that encourage me. I am off to mop the floors......
It's Been Awhile :)Hello fellow blogging friends! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Life has been pretty crazy in the last few weeks. I was sick for 2 weeks & then last Thursday, Ava & I flew to Florida to visit my family. By Friday I was sick again & spent most of my time in Florida sick. Sunday night I went to a walk-in clinic & finally figured out was was wrong (sinusitis) and got 3 more prescriptions. So I'm definitely starting to feel better, but we are completely broke from doctor visits & prescriptions. Welcome to real life, right? I forgot what it felt like to not cough. It is wonderful to feel better! I had such a great time in Florida. It was so great to see my parents, Emmy & Daniel and my two best friends, Aprile & Erin. I really needed to get away & have a little break from the newness of Texas. It was so refreshing to be around people who know me (some better than I know myself!!). It felt like a breath of fresh air. I'm happy in Texas, but it has not been an easy adjustment for me. It has been a much slower transition than I expected it to be. I know it will take time :)Ava is cutting her first tooth. It is still teeny tiny, but it's in there. Poor thing--she has not been a happy baby! Last night we experienced her first throw up episode. She vomited all over Matt, herself, her hippo Lola and the floor. Not fun!! But afterwards she seemed to feel great--it was almost like she was laughing at Matt after barfing all over him. She also went swimming for the first time while we were in Florida--she had such a fun time & she was SO CUTE in the pool. My Dad took her--I think it was fun for both of them. All the pictures are on my Mom's camera, so as soon as I get them I'll post them. I love you all--thanks for being my friends!!
My Mom....
Hey friends :) Last night I was lying in bed, totally unable to fall asleep b/c I'd been coughing like a woman who had been smoking for 127 years and my mind started to wander. Do you ever have those nights--where you start to think about things and that leads you to think about other things and then all of a sudden you find yourself in a place that you hadn't thought about in awhile? Well, that was me last night. I was laying there listening to Ava's sound machine through her monitor, thinking about how much I love being a Mommy. I mean, I really really love it. I have found so much joy in that child--I can't even put it into words. She makes me want to be such a better woman. Such a better Christ follower. And that made me think of my mom. I get it now. I get her love for me. I get her joy and I get her huge dreams for me. I get her frustration when I do stupid things. I get her pride when I actually, finally get something right. I get why she was willing to give up everything & anything she ever wanted to pour herself into me and Emily. I get the intense love, the fierce protection, the hope for an amazing future. It's amazing how clearly I get it now.
So I was lying there feeling a little scared (like I usually am when I'm alone, even though I try to act like I'm not!!) The last 2 months that we've been here I've put Ava in the pack-n-play in my room when Matt's been out of town. I like her to be close to me & I like to listen to her breathe. And somehow in the back of my brain I feel like she's going to protect me & that I'm protecting her. Silly, I know, but somehow I justify it every time. Well, Friday night I put her in the pack-n-play & she flipped out. She did NOT want to be in there, so I put her in bed with me. What followed was the worst sleep either one of us has probably ever had. We were both sick & coughing & we kept each other up all night. So anyways, last night I realized that we would all sleep better if we slept in our own beds. So I layed Ava in her bed & went to mine & tryed to sleep. But there I lay--scared. Why is my brain so active, so imaginative? Every sound made me a little more nervous.
And as I lay there I came to the place that I described at the beginning of this post. Thinking--mostly about my mom. You see, my mom knew exactly what to do when I got scared. She used to cover me with Scripture. She prayed for me before bedtime & prayed Scripture over me. And then she got really creative--she wrote out Psalm 91 on a notecard & put it in the pocket of my stuffed bunny. And I held it all night long. I found comfort in those words. They caused me to sleep in peace. So last night, as I lay there wide awake, I decided to turn on the light & turn to Psalm 91 yet again. Seems like every time Matt goes out of town I go to Psalm 91. And here is what I read:
"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I am trusting in Him. For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with His wings. He will shelter you with His feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For He orders His angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation." (Psalm 91)
Those words bring so much peace to my soul. It reminded me that God is near & that He is protecting me and Ava as we sleep. It reminded me that my Mom was/is a great mom. She just knew that it was only God's Word that would comfort me. It reminded me of all the lessons she has taught me. And most of all it reminded me that I want to be that kind of mom to Ava. A mom that takes her kids to Scripture for all things. I want Ava to find comfort in Psalm 91. I want her to get her identity from Psalm 139. I want her to cling to Lamentations 3: 22-23 when she is stuggling (His mercies are new every morning--great is His faithfulness!) I want her to love Romans and Hebrews. I want her to devour James & Genesis. I want her to love God and His Word more than I want anything else in life.
So thank you mom--for all that you have taught me. For taking me to Scripture. For being my role model. I want to be a Mom like you. I want Ava to look at me the way I look at you--as my hero. I love you!
